Inexplicable!

Life is getting harder and harder for me here. I became everyone's burden and I can't stop blaming myself for being that rascal. Feels like suicidal. Lord, please help me to get through this!!

I want to apologize to every single person in my life. 'Someone' always tell me that I do cheer everyone around me. Apparently, I did not. In fact, I bring bad luck to everyone who are close with me. Susahkan orang ja.... T.T

This lyric is dedicated to all of you; I am SORRY.

As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about
responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don’t want to take responsibility for

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I’m sorry for the times I would neglect
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect

I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for my son
I’m sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

You can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn’t agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that your son was once a thief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry that your life turned out this way
I’m sorry that the FEDS came and took me away

I’m sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I’m sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I’m sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I’m sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say
Why doesn’t anybody wanna take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I’m just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I’ll take that blame
Even though the blame’s on you
I’ll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me
You can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me

That's Just The Way Things Are

Few months passed me by, and I faced lots of experiences which I can never even think of! I went to Pangkor Island for a gerko-trip (one of the activity I need to get involved in to pass the subject), was robbed and I lost all my favorite things and valuable stuffs, getting better and more stable love relationship, coping myself well in this institute, fuh! This is just the way things are, isn't it? ^^,

I'm going back to my lovely hometown, in just another two weeks. Feeling so excited! Can't wait to go back...... hohoho

Home-Sick!

Uh, damn it!!

I miss home, miss my family, miss my son, miss my hometown, miss my friends, miss every single thing in my life!!!!

It's goin' to be a very tough life here, in Perak, by myself. . .

Need someone to talk, but that someone, which I used to wish that he will always be my side, is no longer with me. . he is too busy with his own world. . *depressed* . . . T.T

I am now with God alone~ my family are so far a way, my friends, and HIM. . . . they are no more with me. . . . . =.=

Another shocking event!!

OMG! I'm really into hot soup now! I don't know what to do. I got another offer from Kementerian Pendidikan Malaysia. To take degree in TESL, education course. I want it since the salary is quite a price but I'm getting comfortable with the environment and the subjects in ICAN college, not to mention my lovely friends I'm going to leave if I leave this place. . T.T

Wish God can show me the right pathway for my life. I'm sick of deciding eveything. They say take it or leave it, but it's not that easy! Trust me!!

ICAN college

It's been two weeks I'm in KL. As what I'm expecting, it was plain boring, saddening (if that's counts as a word. . ahahaha), scary, lots of quite negative things. BUT still I will try to get use with these situation. Not that bad at all cause I met lots of new friends too, got new experiences which are funny, some are sad and some are exciting. OKAY-LAH. . . ahahahaha

I miss home, my friends back in Sabah and Labuan, my baby Hideaki, every single person in my life. Wish I can be there with them. Here, some are being very nice to me, some are not. Well, we cannot expect everyone to be nice with us, can we? :D

But, ICAN college is the best college I've ever been. It was cool, sporting, relaxing, slumber, everything was just nice. Not stress at all. Go ICAN!! Ahahahaha :D