Heartless.

To be honest, sometimes most of the time, I really hope that I don't have a  heart that cares. Especially in school. You know how sad it is to not be appreciated? Like you tried your best to come up with activities just to make them learn, or buy more and more gifts so that they'll be interested in participating in the classroom? I mean, I don't get anything from this. I don't have any salary yet and my teaching is not even evaluated. So truthfully, I can just go to the classroom, let them do what they want and I can just do whatever I feel like to.

Too bad, I can't.

It's like everyday I enter the classroom, there will be almost no attention given by the pupils. Well, maybe for a short while but then trust me, give them 3 minutes and I'm already in the zoo. I guess I am just not patient enough. Seriously, how can I continue being a primary school teacher if this is continuing? I have been patient for one whole month and today I snapped. Sigh. Again, the problem is not with the kids. It's just that I can't control my anger. Should I really seek help? Hahaha

But really, looking at some teachers who could not care less of their pupils, I really hope that I can be like one of them. I mean, that way I will stress less and be happier, ya know? I don't have to crack my head just to think of fun activities to be conducted in the classroom, I don't have to use my own fucking pocket money just to motivate the kids extrinsically, I'll have a good time on my own - reading novels while having hot choco. Sounds more fun, no? Hahaha