Fire.

So I saw this statement on Facebook:

When a girl is sick;

Le boyfriend: Don't forget to take your meds, okay? I love you.

Scandal: I'm outside your house. Bought you some meds.

Scandal wins.

People, I have to agree on this. I'm not agreeing on the 'girls should have scandals to take care of them' thing, but I'm agreeing on the fact that when we are already in relationships, we tend to take things for granted. Why? Because we thought we have secured our place in our partners' heart. But have we? Really?

Try to take a min of your life and reflect. How it really was when you started flirting with your lady or your man? How was it when you just started your relationships? Did you buy her a bouquet a flower? Did you open the door for her? Did you prepare meals for him when he was sick? Did you help him walk when he got injured? These little things mean a lot to every each of us. If there's any, even one, of my readers do not feel touched when their couple did one of these, then I guess I am completely wrong.

I mean, why did we stop doing all these?

I remembered most of my ex-bfs were acting all the same. Like the first few months, or even few weeks, when we started dating, they'll be all gentlemen - pretending to be the princes they never were. Buying me flowers, phone calls till late at night, early morning messages, giving sweet quotes, then in the end it slowed down and completely gone. Not that I want all of these everyday but it sure is nice to still keep the spark by doing it every now and then. I mean, why not? It's not that difficult to find a min to just say 'Hey, I miss you' or a short 30 seconds call to say 'I love you'. I don't know, I guess my expectations are too high. Because I am the kind of lady that will throw dinner surprises or giving presents whenever I feel like it, the type of lady that will text my man whenever I think of him and the lady that puts her man as her priority. That's why I expect the same thing from my man. To my disappointment, these kind of men are so difficult to find! Hahaha

To be honest, there was one but I let him go (again, this one sad story from Miss Granny). If you are following my post, you will know who he is. You know, the one that became my only regret. We were friends before we got together. He was always there for me since we were friends. I remembered how he used to call me because I was afraid to walk up my college's stairs at night. So we will be talking the minute I got to the stairs until I reached my room. I'd call him whenever I couldn't sleep at night and when I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. He'd accompany me for my crazy food-craving. He even broke into the girls' dorm just because I was sick and he couldn't contact me. It didn't stop even after two years being together. He was the only person who could put up with me. This is important because I can be very childish when I am with someone I love dearly (so if I got very childish with you, that simply means I love you hehe). I guess, that's why the breakup hurt a lot. But all that was in the past. I've moved on. He moved on. I even heard he's in a serious relationship now and I'm happy for him. The point is, will I ever meet someone like him again?

You see, no one will be the same. That's why when I decided to let in someone new, I never compare. At first it was difficult but I tried and slowly I got over it. I even decided to leave all the past for this one guy I knew. He was kind, he was willing to learn but both of us have a very bad temper. My theory is simple, I am 'fire' so I need to find someone with 'water' element. I mean if both of us are of fire elements, no one will surrender and in the end it will kill the relationship. Yes, I was told that I need to lower my ego especially in the argument but you see, I don't see why should I apologize when I know it wasn't my fault? Who is egoistic now, then? Once I start apologizing for something that is not my mistake, I will be apologizing for all mistakes that I do not do in the future. Makes sense? Deep down I really do not want to walk away from this relationship like I did last time because I really wanted this to work out. I can see myself next to him in the future. But if both of us are really fire, then what should I do? Change my element to water? That calls for a huge transformation, man. And I don't think I can change that easily. I don't know. Sigh. I guess I  just have no luck in relationships.

Say something I'm giving up on you.

Missing you.

After you passed away in 2005, I had only dreamt about you once. That was a couple of days after your funeral. I dreamt about you telling me not to be sad because you're happy up there. You told me how sad you were to see me crying on my bed refusing to eat. You told me to pray for you and for me. You told me to send your regards to your family. That was the first and the last one I dreamt about you after you went away. And today, surprisingly, I dreamed of you again. It was really unexpected because it's been years. I never expect to dream of you again because as much as I want to say that I miss you a lot, I also have to admit that as time went on, the memories start to fade away as well. I'm sorry for that. :( I guess this is your way to remind me about you. That our friendship should never be forgotten. :( I am really sorry, B. I never mean to forget you. :(

Last night, I dreamt about us. You know, those old times. When we always thought of running away? Ahahahahaha yeah, those times. In that dream, I was very young. Around our age when we were young and stupid. (I'm still stupid now) ahahahaha I was waiting for you at my old house, with a bagpack behind me. You arrived, driving your late dad's red 4WD, with your younger sister. Like usual, you looked happy. We were so excited. I hopped in. I didn't even know where we were going. Ahahahaha and we left. Then I woke up and started missing you. Where were you taking me? The dream was too short for me, you left me hanging. I miss you. :(

Friendship was very pure when we were kids. We were honest to each other. We were happy together. We had fun together. Is there anything like that today? I don't know. Even I find myself not being honest to others as well. You know, to avoid from hurting them. Anyway, I miss you. I miss us. Thanks for the dream. At least it reminded me of you. :')

Frustrated!

Another one week three days more before my SAS Eco-Challenge 2015 at Tioman Island and so many obstacles are cropping up! I really wanna join this race for heaven's sake!

First, stamina. To run 30 km on road is acceptable for my stamina. I mean I can train to achieve that. However, in this race, the contestants need not only run, we need to climb and hike in the forest. The 30 km is the total distance of running + climbing + hiking. If you read the reviews of other people who have joined this race in the previous years, you will know how difficult it is. Some contestants who have joined climbathon before (if you're into sports you will know how difficult a climbathon is) could not complete the race within the time given. Imagine me? A beginner. Someone who is not that athletic. An anemic. Oh, I'm gonna die! Ahahahaha I took 25mins to run a total of 3 km on treadmill. Imagine running on road and in the forest? Damn!

But for me it's okay. The experience is what I aim for. I don't mind losing because to lose is to experience as well. :)

Then came the second obstacle. Financial. At first (based on my calculation), my budget was okay. I was able to join this race without much financial problem. So I started registering for other events as well. Also buying some health products since I need those with my active lifestyle. Slowly I began to realize that this month I have to move out from my rental house because I need to find somewhere nearer to my college. Which means I need money to move all my stuff from one house to another. Which means I need money to rent out another house. Which means I will be needing money more than usual this particular month. Shit! Ahahahaahha miscalculated! My bad! Totally! Completely!

But then I checked out my saving that I have just started last month (a saving especially for Mt. Everest) and I was relieved to see that there is at least something to add to my budget for this race. Well, I can start saving for Mt. Everest after the race, anyway.

After that, came the biggest obstacle of all time! Exam! See, before we sit for exam, we need to attend an exam briefing. This, we have to attend every semester, 2 weeks before exam week starts. They will repeat the same thing over and over again. I bet they are bored too. What can we say, it's protocol. We have to do it even if it means wasting time and energy. Guess what? The exam briefing is held on the day before race itself which is on the 8th. Whyyyyyyyyy?? I mean, to go to Tioman island, I had to take a bus to KL (Terminal Bersepadu Selatan) then hop into another bus to Mersing and take a ferry to Tioman island. The total journey will be 3 hours (Ipoh-KL) + 5 hours (KL-Mersing) + 1.5 hours (Mersing-Tioman) = 10 hours. And I haven't count the waiting time for every public transport. Which means, I have to leave at least on the 7th so that I will be reaching Tioman on the 8th to be able to register and attend the race briefing. Now, how am I going to do that?

First, I thought of asking my lecturer's help by saying this is emergency. Maybe I can attend the exam briefing on the day before the race or after. If not, I guess MC it is. :( I seriously don't like to do this. Sigh.. Tell me what to do......

Outrage!

At school, pupils are scared of me. Well, maybe not only at school. Even other people are scared of me. Ahahahahaha I may look very furious but actually I am very friendly once you know me well. As they say, don't judge a book by its cover! :)

However, today I exploded in the classroom. I don't know what happened but I just did. It all started when the kids starting to report every time their peers do something. You know, kids. They report every little little thing.

'Miss Koh, Siti said I am stupid.'

'Miss Koh, Adam mocked me.'

'Miss Koh, Qholis took 10 cent from me.'

'Miss Koh, Imran stick out his tongue.'

'Miss Koh, Fais touched my book.'

Urghhhhh.. it's tiring to hear all that every day, every second of my lesson! Why? Because it always interrupts the flow of my lesson! Ahahahaha then they started making planes out of papers. I do not allow it in the classroom because it disturbs the other pupils. Usually I just had to warn them once or twice but today after so many times warning over and over again, I just exploded. I took the paper plane, I tore the paper into pieces and threw it on the kids' tables. I told them to gather all the pieces and threw it in the bin. They were shaking. Then I realized how terrible I was. I became a monster in front of the kids. I lost my temper. Just because of that little paper planes. I shouldn't have. :(

Honestly, I don't know how long can I stay in the teaching profession. Especially when it comes to teaching kids. I'm not a patient person. I got upset easily (and forget about being angry very easily as well). The thing is, I really love them and I want them to learn well. I mean, why would I be upset if I don't care whether they are learning or not? I can just let them do what they want, right? But because I love them, I care for them. Sigh.. I need to either change my clients (to adult learners) or change my profession right away. Ohh sweet Lord, help me to be more patient! 

April 13, 2015!

I don't always celebrate my birthday or receive many gifts on my birthday. Birthday was never really a celebration to me as bad things usually happened either on my birthday month or the birthday itself. Even in the past few years, I'll be arguing with my boyfriend on or a few days before my birthday. Made my birthday something bitter to be remembered. This year? It's awesome! Ahahahahahaha

I didn't really celebrate it because I was busy with my cycling events and schools. Anyway, I don't usually have material wish on my birthday. Not that I'm pretending to sound good, but I will usually just wish for happiness and a simple life. This year? I wished for a pair of Skechers. To be exact, Go Run 4. Ahahahaha but I didn't really expect to get it. I mean who is willing to buy me that?? Ahahahaha I posted it on my instagram account and aimed to buy it myself on my birthday. Surprisingly, the day before my birthday, I got that running shoes and I almost fainted! Ahahahahaha

Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaa!! Wohooooooooo!! I wannaaaaa dancceeeeeeeeee!! And jumpppppp!! Ahahahahahahaha even as I am writing this post, my heart is jumping up and down! Ahahahahahaha

I also got a new jersey from one of my favorite friends!

Do ignore my bare face and also tired face. Ahahahaha I just got back from the gym at this sec. And also a correction here. I am NOT a Liverpool fan. I'm a Chelsea family member. Ahahahaha but he gave me this because he wants me to support his team. Well, if wearing this jersey makes you feel supported, I'll wear it. But it's not because of Liverpool. It's because of you. Ahahahaha

Thennnnnn, flowers from my kidssssss!!

Yes, they are not real flowers but it's the thoughts that count, right? :)

Now, the next one is a total surprise as well. I mean who would have guessed to get your state's flag as your birthday gift, right? AHahahaha

Sabah flag from 27 Legacy Tie Dye ( www.27legacy.com/ ). If you're interested in looking for your states' flag, check out their website!

A few more small gifts but haven't got the chance to take pictures of them. Anyway, thanks for the birthday gifts and wishes, people! You know who you are! Million thanks to all of you! May the sweet Lord bless us all. :)