Hiking across the country!

Yesterday, while chatting with my cousin, I found out that he needed a get away too. So I took the chance to propose to him about the idea of backpacking around the states in West Malaysia. He wasn't just keen of hearing it, he even proposed a better idea! He said, instead of traveling aimlessly, why not find hills and mountains to hike and climb? I was like, damn, why didn't I think of that?? Hahaha

However, since we're both still are not earning anything, this travel will be an extremely low-budget one. You know, with sleeping bag and hitch-hiking. We thought that this would be a great start for us as we both have the passion in traveling and of course would like to travel around the world one day. So why not try to experience backpacking in our own country first? So today we are already starting writing all the mountains and hills that we'd like to visit in West Malaysia and the directions to go there. We are planning to start our journey from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (as our flight is directly to Kuala Lumpur), then slowly moving to up north (Perak, Penang, Kedah, Perlis) afterwards make a turn to South (Kelantan, Terengganu,Pahang, Johor) then comes back to Kuala Lumpur (through Malacca, Negeri Sembilan and Selangor).

While doing my research on the places we'd like to visit, I found out that there are so many beautiful places in Malaysia that I have never heard of and this excites me! I mean, 23 years living in Malaysia but I feel like I know nothing about it. I can't wait for this journey to start. Well, if any of you are interested in joining us, do contact me! The more, the merrier! :)

Fire.

So I saw this statement on Facebook:

When a girl is sick;

Le boyfriend: Don't forget to take your meds, okay? I love you.

Scandal: I'm outside your house. Bought you some meds.

Scandal wins.

People, I have to agree on this. I'm not agreeing on the 'girls should have scandals to take care of them' thing, but I'm agreeing on the fact that when we are already in relationships, we tend to take things for granted. Why? Because we thought we have secured our place in our partners' heart. But have we? Really?

Try to take a min of your life and reflect. How it really was when you started flirting with your lady or your man? How was it when you just started your relationships? Did you buy her a bouquet a flower? Did you open the door for her? Did you prepare meals for him when he was sick? Did you help him walk when he got injured? These little things mean a lot to every each of us. If there's any, even one, of my readers do not feel touched when their couple did one of these, then I guess I am completely wrong.

I mean, why did we stop doing all these?

I remembered most of my ex-bfs were acting all the same. Like the first few months, or even few weeks, when we started dating, they'll be all gentlemen - pretending to be the princes they never were. Buying me flowers, phone calls till late at night, early morning messages, giving sweet quotes, then in the end it slowed down and completely gone. Not that I want all of these everyday but it sure is nice to still keep the spark by doing it every now and then. I mean, why not? It's not that difficult to find a min to just say 'Hey, I miss you' or a short 30 seconds call to say 'I love you'. I don't know, I guess my expectations are too high. Because I am the kind of lady that will throw dinner surprises or giving presents whenever I feel like it, the type of lady that will text my man whenever I think of him and the lady that puts her man as her priority. That's why I expect the same thing from my man. To my disappointment, these kind of men are so difficult to find! Hahaha

To be honest, there was one but I let him go (again, this one sad story from Miss Granny). If you are following my post, you will know who he is. You know, the one that became my only regret. We were friends before we got together. He was always there for me since we were friends. I remembered how he used to call me because I was afraid to walk up my college's stairs at night. So we will be talking the minute I got to the stairs until I reached my room. I'd call him whenever I couldn't sleep at night and when I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. He'd accompany me for my crazy food-craving. He even broke into the girls' dorm just because I was sick and he couldn't contact me. It didn't stop even after two years being together. He was the only person who could put up with me. This is important because I can be very childish when I am with someone I love dearly (so if I got very childish with you, that simply means I love you hehe). I guess, that's why the breakup hurt a lot. But all that was in the past. I've moved on. He moved on. I even heard he's in a serious relationship now and I'm happy for him. The point is, will I ever meet someone like him again?

You see, no one will be the same. That's why when I decided to let in someone new, I never compare. At first it was difficult but I tried and slowly I got over it. I even decided to leave all the past for this one guy I knew. He was kind, he was willing to learn but both of us have a very bad temper. My theory is simple, I am 'fire' so I need to find someone with 'water' element. I mean if both of us are of fire elements, no one will surrender and in the end it will kill the relationship. Yes, I was told that I need to lower my ego especially in the argument but you see, I don't see why should I apologize when I know it wasn't my fault? Who is egoistic now, then? Once I start apologizing for something that is not my mistake, I will be apologizing for all mistakes that I do not do in the future. Makes sense? Deep down I really do not want to walk away from this relationship like I did last time because I really wanted this to work out. I can see myself next to him in the future. But if both of us are really fire, then what should I do? Change my element to water? That calls for a huge transformation, man. And I don't think I can change that easily. I don't know. Sigh. I guess I  just have no luck in relationships.

Say something I'm giving up on you.

Frustrated!

Another one week three days more before my SAS Eco-Challenge 2015 at Tioman Island and so many obstacles are cropping up! I really wanna join this race for heaven's sake!

First, stamina. To run 30 km on road is acceptable for my stamina. I mean I can train to achieve that. However, in this race, the contestants need not only run, we need to climb and hike in the forest. The 30 km is the total distance of running + climbing + hiking. If you read the reviews of other people who have joined this race in the previous years, you will know how difficult it is. Some contestants who have joined climbathon before (if you're into sports you will know how difficult a climbathon is) could not complete the race within the time given. Imagine me? A beginner. Someone who is not that athletic. An anemic. Oh, I'm gonna die! Ahahahaha I took 25mins to run a total of 3 km on treadmill. Imagine running on road and in the forest? Damn!

But for me it's okay. The experience is what I aim for. I don't mind losing because to lose is to experience as well. :)

Then came the second obstacle. Financial. At first (based on my calculation), my budget was okay. I was able to join this race without much financial problem. So I started registering for other events as well. Also buying some health products since I need those with my active lifestyle. Slowly I began to realize that this month I have to move out from my rental house because I need to find somewhere nearer to my college. Which means I need money to move all my stuff from one house to another. Which means I need money to rent out another house. Which means I will be needing money more than usual this particular month. Shit! Ahahahaahha miscalculated! My bad! Totally! Completely!

But then I checked out my saving that I have just started last month (a saving especially for Mt. Everest) and I was relieved to see that there is at least something to add to my budget for this race. Well, I can start saving for Mt. Everest after the race, anyway.

After that, came the biggest obstacle of all time! Exam! See, before we sit for exam, we need to attend an exam briefing. This, we have to attend every semester, 2 weeks before exam week starts. They will repeat the same thing over and over again. I bet they are bored too. What can we say, it's protocol. We have to do it even if it means wasting time and energy. Guess what? The exam briefing is held on the day before race itself which is on the 8th. Whyyyyyyyyy?? I mean, to go to Tioman island, I had to take a bus to KL (Terminal Bersepadu Selatan) then hop into another bus to Mersing and take a ferry to Tioman island. The total journey will be 3 hours (Ipoh-KL) + 5 hours (KL-Mersing) + 1.5 hours (Mersing-Tioman) = 10 hours. And I haven't count the waiting time for every public transport. Which means, I have to leave at least on the 7th so that I will be reaching Tioman on the 8th to be able to register and attend the race briefing. Now, how am I going to do that?

First, I thought of asking my lecturer's help by saying this is emergency. Maybe I can attend the exam briefing on the day before the race or after. If not, I guess MC it is. :( I seriously don't like to do this. Sigh.. Tell me what to do......

Outrage!

At school, pupils are scared of me. Well, maybe not only at school. Even other people are scared of me. Ahahahahaha I may look very furious but actually I am very friendly once you know me well. As they say, don't judge a book by its cover! :)

However, today I exploded in the classroom. I don't know what happened but I just did. It all started when the kids starting to report every time their peers do something. You know, kids. They report every little little thing.

'Miss Koh, Siti said I am stupid.'

'Miss Koh, Adam mocked me.'

'Miss Koh, Qholis took 10 cent from me.'

'Miss Koh, Imran stick out his tongue.'

'Miss Koh, Fais touched my book.'

Urghhhhh.. it's tiring to hear all that every day, every second of my lesson! Why? Because it always interrupts the flow of my lesson! Ahahahaha then they started making planes out of papers. I do not allow it in the classroom because it disturbs the other pupils. Usually I just had to warn them once or twice but today after so many times warning over and over again, I just exploded. I took the paper plane, I tore the paper into pieces and threw it on the kids' tables. I told them to gather all the pieces and threw it in the bin. They were shaking. Then I realized how terrible I was. I became a monster in front of the kids. I lost my temper. Just because of that little paper planes. I shouldn't have. :(

Honestly, I don't know how long can I stay in the teaching profession. Especially when it comes to teaching kids. I'm not a patient person. I got upset easily (and forget about being angry very easily as well). The thing is, I really love them and I want them to learn well. I mean, why would I be upset if I don't care whether they are learning or not? I can just let them do what they want, right? But because I love them, I care for them. Sigh.. I need to either change my clients (to adult learners) or change my profession right away. Ohh sweet Lord, help me to be more patient! 

April 13, 2015!

I don't always celebrate my birthday or receive many gifts on my birthday. Birthday was never really a celebration to me as bad things usually happened either on my birthday month or the birthday itself. Even in the past few years, I'll be arguing with my boyfriend on or a few days before my birthday. Made my birthday something bitter to be remembered. This year? It's awesome! Ahahahahahaha

I didn't really celebrate it because I was busy with my cycling events and schools. Anyway, I don't usually have material wish on my birthday. Not that I'm pretending to sound good, but I will usually just wish for happiness and a simple life. This year? I wished for a pair of Skechers. To be exact, Go Run 4. Ahahahaha but I didn't really expect to get it. I mean who is willing to buy me that?? Ahahahaha I posted it on my instagram account and aimed to buy it myself on my birthday. Surprisingly, the day before my birthday, I got that running shoes and I almost fainted! Ahahahahaha

Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaa!! Wohooooooooo!! I wannaaaaa dancceeeeeeeeee!! And jumpppppp!! Ahahahahahahaha even as I am writing this post, my heart is jumping up and down! Ahahahahahaha

I also got a new jersey from one of my favorite friends!

Do ignore my bare face and also tired face. Ahahahaha I just got back from the gym at this sec. And also a correction here. I am NOT a Liverpool fan. I'm a Chelsea family member. Ahahahaha but he gave me this because he wants me to support his team. Well, if wearing this jersey makes you feel supported, I'll wear it. But it's not because of Liverpool. It's because of you. Ahahahaha

Thennnnnn, flowers from my kidssssss!!

Yes, they are not real flowers but it's the thoughts that count, right? :)

Now, the next one is a total surprise as well. I mean who would have guessed to get your state's flag as your birthday gift, right? AHahahaha

Sabah flag from 27 Legacy Tie Dye ( www.27legacy.com/ ). If you're interested in looking for your states' flag, check out their website!

A few more small gifts but haven't got the chance to take pictures of them. Anyway, thanks for the birthday gifts and wishes, people! You know who you are! Million thanks to all of you! May the sweet Lord bless us all. :)

Stress-free?

People always think that I am a happy-go-lucky person, relax, have less stress, positive vibes, etc.. but then once they stumbled upon my blog and especially WeChat account, they realized how different I actually am, how emotional I can actually be. See, every human being has their own sides - positive and negative. It all just depends on where and when they want to show it out. Me? I don't know how to express it verbally. Or maybe my ego stops me from doing so. Because I don't want to let others see my tears. It makes me feel weak and useless. Whenever I felt down, I'll prefer to sit in the dark all by myself and cry. Or go out and drive like mad. Or write it all down in my blog or WeChat statuses. Now why would I do that? Because no one really read my blog, other than those who are really interested of my life, and I don't have much friends in WeChat.

Let me make it clear; I DO HAVE STRESS. I stress about even the littlest thing you can ever think about.

Like an ordinary college student, I worry about assignments.
Like an ordinary daughter, I worry about my parents.
Like an ordinary sister, I argue with my siblings.
Like an ordinary woman, I worry about my love relationships, friendships, finance.
I worry about everything.

Like when I had to use my suppose-to-be business modal just because my tyre went flat. I was so down that I drove like crazy on the road.

Like when I had no other choice but to avoid my friends because they are uncomfortable with me being around. I was so down that I decided to leave.

Like when my best bro passed away due to car accident. I was so down that I cried in the shower alone.

Like when I broke up. I was so down that I started to be a workaholic, leaving no time for myself.

See now? Just because I laugh, I smile, I talk about my problem less, it never means that I have no worries at all. I just do not want to bother others with my problems because other people have their own problems too. Anyway, think less, worry less. So don't worry, be happy? :)

Here We Go Again!

I don't what has gotten into my mind but I'm challenging my own limit AGAIN! This kind of thing usually happens when I got disappointed of life. For example, breakups, family problem, losing a friend, failed in something. So why am I challenging myself now? I mean, when I think about it, I am not currently having any problems or issues. Then, why? Hmm..

Anyway, as for now I have completed 'Save Our Rainforest Race 2015' (SORR 2015) and 'Kayuhan Muhibbah Bersama Rakyat 2015'. Also signed up for 'SAS International Eco-Challenge 2015' and 'Kampar Majesty Ride 2015'. Thinking of signing up for 'We Run Lumut 2015' as well. Need to train a lot! Ahahahahaha

SORR 2015 was a great race. It was not exactly a race actually because you were not allowed to run. You were supposed to walk and enjoy the nature. I loved it because I love nature! We had to walk + hike for a total of 10km. Along the way, we had to complete missions which I find very interesting. The missions we had to complete were planting trees (we had to get the tree and find the place to plant it based on our bib tag number), finding leaves according to the pictures shown, passing food to the aborigines based on the house numbers, crossing the river and remembering the names of the plants throughout the journey. It was great! After we had completed our missions, we ran (which we were not supposed to ahahahaha) and got to the finish line 133th out of 1500 participants. Boleh la.. bangga sikit. Ahahahahaha

For 'Kayuhan Bersama Rakyat 2015', it was a fun ride so we can cycle at our own pace. Sultan Nazrin Shah, the Sultan of Perak, was there to join us as well. The only thing that disappointed me was that the event started 2 hours late than promised. By the time we started, it was already raining so heavily and so we had to cycle under the heavy rain for 10km! I did it in 30 mins, quite slow but since I have just started my training after about 8 months without any physical activities, this is quite an achievement. My smoking habit has also reduced drastically that in a week I only smoked for about 3-5 times on average. I guess being single give you less stress that you don't need cigar anymore to make you relax. Ahahahaha but as people say, don't speak too soon. :D

So currently I am busy training for coming events, pushing my limits. I have less than a month for that 30km SAS eco-challenge. I don't aim for winning (of course) but I need to at least get to the finish line. That's what matters most to me. I want to finish it. I want to get the medal.

If any of you are interested in joining me in any of the events I mentioned above or you have other events that I might have overlooked, do comment here because I would love to have a company to join these kind of events and am currently looking for events that suit my level. Be healthy, be fit!

5 Humble Advice For Teachers

1) Talkative with limitation
Teachers are naturally talkative. They talk a lot. Maybe because they are used to be the one who always talks so they can't stop. They talk whenever they are given the chance. Well, it's good. I mean they get to express themselves well. They get to express their ideas well. They get to brainstorm ideas well. But there should always be a limit. You shouldn't talk when you're attending a meeting. You shouldn't talk when you're attending an assembly. I mean, you yourself do not like it when your kids start talking in your class. So why do you do it?

2) Show a good example
Children learn from what they see. If you swear in the class, then expect your students to swear too. If you look messy when you go to school, then expect your students to look messy too. If you talk while attending the school assembly, then expect your students to talk in the class too. Most importantly, if you are not standing straight while singing the National Anthem, then expect your students to disrespect you too. See, since I was a kid, I was taught to stand up straight while singing the National Anthem. Up until now, I feel very much guilty if I do not stand straight if I hear the National Anthem played - even if it is played on the radio. To be honest, I don't like my government but I DON'T HAVE TO LOVE MY GOVERNMENT TO LOVE MY COUNTRY. Those two are totally different. Looking at today's generation; where the National Anthem does not mean anything for them, I feel sad. Is it the fault of our teachers?

3) Be ready to fork out your money
This is a bit difficult for some teachers. Well, it is well understood. I mean, the salary was supposed to be the payment of your hard work. You spent an average of 8 hours in the school per day from Monday to Friday (sometimes even on Saturday and Sunday), you spent your night preparing lesson plans and teaching aids for the next day, not to mention when it came to programs that need to be conducted in the school (Parent-Teacher meeting, sports day, canteen day, English month, Bahasa month, Language Camp, Rancangan Integrasi Murid Untuk Perpaduan, Gotong Royong, examinations, monthly test, and th list goes on). You're tired. Physically. Mentally. Still you have to use your own money to prepare almost everything. Even A4 papers for worksheets printing are on you. What can we say, teachers, they sacrifice a lot. Time, family, money, et cetera. Even the Prime Minister didn't sacrifice that much. Oops.

4) Be knowledgeable
Yes, you're an English teacher but that doesn't mean you should only know about English. Children expect you to know everything. When a student ask you a science-related question, you don't brush him off by asking him to ask a Science teacher. If you don't know, search for the answer and get back to him. If you do, that'll be even better. So read up!

5) Be open-minded
Children do not come from the same family background. Every single child has different background. There are Malays, Chinese, Indian, aborigines, Sabahan, Sarawakian, rich, average, poor,good proficiency level, weak proficiency level, rural areas, city areas, Muslims, Christians, Buddhist, Hindus, so many differences. So, be open. Learn their cultures. Learn their abilities. Learn their learning styles. Learn about them.

Now, I am not perfect too. I make mistakes. But let us together brings out the best in each other and try to shape a better generation! Hoyeahhhh!!

#ProjekRombengan - Kita Nego Sampai Dapat!

Wahhhhh tajukkkk.. kelasss uolssss ahahahaha

So recently I've started a new project which I called 'Projek Rombengan'. Tau ka apa tu rombengan? Nah, rombengan itu asalnya daripada bahasa Indonesia (kalau aku nda menipu lah). Ia bermaksud jualan barang terpakai. Jadi harganya pun murah gitu loe! Bukanlah aku mau cakap aku ada banyak baju dalam almari ku, tapi ada ja baju yang aku pakai sekali dua lepastu letak tepi. Sebab? Aku pun ndatau kenapa. Ahahahaha aku ni ikut musim. Ada musim aku minat beli baju, ada musim aku minat beli beg, ada musim aku minat beli kasut. Jadi bila musimnya tiba, aku akan beli tapi sempat pakai sekali dua ja. So, daripada terbiar, lebih baik dijual saja. Ada pula baju yang aku sudah nda muat. So baik dijual juga. Ada lagi baju yang ada kenangan pahit, so aku mau jual juga. Ada lagi baju yang bukan lagi minat ku, jadi aku jual lagiiiiiiii.. ahahahaha

Lagipun, aku jenis yang biasa-biasa saja. Yg suka pakai baju ulang-ulang. Ahahaha pakai, cuci, jemur, pakai balik. Sebab malas mau bongkar lagi tu almari. Jadi yg extra tu, kita jual!!

Plus, this year is my final year at Ipoh. Kau mampuuuuu mau bawa banyak-banyak barang balik naik flight? Kalau buli, semua barang ku di sini aku mau jual. Biar balik lenggang kangkung. Except for books la. Sebab aku memang berhajat mau ada library sendiri once aku suda ada rumah sendiri. Imagine, having your own library at home, where you can just lie down, read books, drink hot chocolate with marshmallow. Astagaaaaaaaaaaaa.. I don't mind dying in a place like that. Biarlah mereput di sana pun. Ahahahaha

So, do support me in this project yahh! Jangan risau, tagline aku senang - kita nego sampai dapat! Maksudnya, kalau aku bagi RM20, kau mau minta murah lagi, bha cakap seja. Kita nego sampai dapat! Ahahahaha

How does this project work?

1) Setiap malam, pada pukul 10 malam, aku akan upload gambar 3 barangan (baju, beg, kasut or apa apa barang yang boleh dijual) di akaun instagram ku (lydrielyn_koh) dan juga laman FB ku (Lydrielyn Koh). Yang nda follow aku di instagram, tapi mau juga beli barangan ku, jangan risau. Kau tetap buli access aku punya gambar barangan dengan mencari #projekrombengan

2) Lepastu, kita akan nego sampai dapat. Tapi harga barangan tu aku letak without postage. So kalau kamu berada di negeri lain selain daripada Perak, terpaksa tanggung kos penghantaran lagi. Kalau kamu tinggal di Perak, boleh COD especially area Ipoh and Kampar. Yang orang Sabah, especially Sandakan, Beluran, sama Kuala Sapi, kalau mau save kos penghantaran tu, terpaksa tunggu aku balik la hujung bulan 5. Kamu boleh suruh aku simpan dulu, pastu nanti aku balik Sabah, aku hantar or kamu ambil. Tapi pastikan kamu beli yaaaa.. jangan pula suruh simpan pastu nda jadi beli! Mimang bikin panas! Ahahahahaha

3) Barangan yang sudah dijual akan di delete gambarnya sebab nanti bikin semak kamu punya newsfeed. Ahahaha jadi kalau kamu nda nampak suda tu gambar, maksudnya sudah dijual la tu yaaaa.. sapa cepat dia dapat!

Soo support la projek ku ni yaa.. 

#Projek Rombengan - "Kita Nego Sampai Dapat!"

Types of women (2)

Another post of types of women. Ahahahahaha well, since people always say that women are complicated, I thought I should share my thoughts about women too. Who knows it will help the rest of us to understand women better.

Some women (I hate to admit this) are clingy. They want to be with you almost all the time. They want you all over them. If they can't be right next to you, they make sure that you guys text all the time. When you guys go out, they want to hold hands with you, put their arms around you or your arms around them, they want to take pictures with you and share it with the world, they want the world to know that you are theirs and they are yours. You might feel a bit stressed out because you can't breathe. You want your own time. You want to spend your time with others too. Now, what you can do is talk to your girl. It's not gonna be easy but if you want to save your relationship, you gotta talk to her. You gotta make her understand your needs. And don't expect her to change straight away. Changes take time.

Some women have their own ego. They do not text first. This usually happens when they are not YET in a relationship with you. They like you, you both have that mutual feelings towards each other, but they never text you first. Why? Because they believe that if the man really likes a woman, the man should be the one who starts the conversation. However, some men find this difficult. They think that both men and women can and should start the conversation every now and then. They think that if they are the only one who keep starting the conversation, that simply means that the other party is not interested. Still, you can see the hints by reading your conversation. If she is interested, she will try to keep the conversation going. If she is not, the conversation usually goes to dead end - where you are the one who keeps it going. For example, you ask 'how was your day?' Then she replied, 'not bad. Met a friend of mine, had good food. What about you? How was yours?' She asked back. Means she wants the conversation to keep going. But if she replies to you 'not bad. Haha.' She is giving a hint that she does not want to talk to you about her day. Or about anything else. Stop texting her.

Some women are over jealous type. They see you make friends with women, they got mad. They see you talk to your female friends, they got mad. They see you smile to other women, they got mad. It's like the only woman you should be talking is her. Or your mom. Or your sister. This type is dangerous. Yes, it shows that they love you so very much but no, it is not a healthy relationship you are in. It is not love anymore. It is more like an obsession. Or simply being possesive. Always remember, 'love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.' (1 Chorinthians 13:4)

There are many more different types of women but as the time ticks, my eyes get smaller as well. Ahahahaha I'm sleepyyyyyy.. But before I go to bed, I'll just share a little bit of me. I'm the second type. I do not text first. I always hear advices from other women saying that 'if you like him, you should text him first' or 'why not text him first? We are in the modern world. The rule does not apply anymore'. Well no matter how modern I may look outside, inside, I am still a traditional lady. I want to be a housewife, I want to cook for my family, I want to do all the traditional woman does for her man. So yes, I want the man to text me first. But looking at today's world, where these gentlemen are almost extinct, the chance of me finding one might be AND will be difficult. Still, no harm in waiting. Ohhhh my Manolo.. When will you arrive? Ahahahahaha nighty nite peeps!

Types of women.

Surrounded by 6 sisters is already enough to know how complicated women are. Truthfully, I am too. Gotta admit that. Sometimes I myself am confused of what do I really want. But one thing for sure, not every woman is the same. Well practically, every human being is different from one another. Every experiences, degree of knowledge, background, every thing is just different. People may say that they had almost the same experience but still it will never be a hundred percent the same with another. Say that a woman is pregnant - her experience of pregnancy will never be the same like another mother. Maybe almost but never a hundred percent the same. Like losing someone - a wife might say, 'I've lost my family in a car accident and now my friend is experiencing the same. I totally understand how she feels'. To be honest, no. Nobody will understand. Because the degree of love the family has is different. The experiences that the family have together are different. Other people can just give empathy. They do not really feel how the others feel.

Back to the main title. Hahahaha one of my weaknesses - I got distracted very easily. Anyway, this year is my final year, and so like usual everybody is asking whether I have found the one. Then on this wonderful holiday, I got back to my hometown and spent my time with my lovely family. Of course, my sisters and I talked about whether I have found the one. We talked about the men I've dated, the men that I should be dating, the men that I might be dating.. Ahahahahahaha so in the end, I was like 'I'll just leave it to God. He knows best. I don't wanna rush anymore. If it's time then it's time.' So one of my sisters advised me to pick a man who can literally feed me and my future family. Hmm.. That's one nice advice but what's the point of having a man who can feed me and my future family when I have no place for this man in my heart? I mean, it's not that I can't feed myself with my future career. I have more than enough for myself. However, I do not wish myself to have to feed my future spouse and the family alone as well. I mean that is the responsibility of both of us. So no, I do not need a rich spouse nor do I want a jobless one. Complicated ey? Simply put, aku mau yang biasa-biasa aja.. Duit boleh dicari, kasih sayang tiada ganti, tapi kalau duit tiada ke mari, berlapar terus fizikal mati! Haaaaa ambik pantun ku.. Ahahahahaha

Another sister talked about romantic guys. How it will be wonderful of having a romantic guy as a husband. Romantic? Hmmm.. Of course that's the dream of every woman but I do not wish to have a hopeless romantic guy as my husband. I mean, once in a while maybe, but not all the time! I still want to be able to be crazy with my husband, to be myself, to be real, to be me. I don't mind if he's not romantic. All I want is to be able to share everything with him. That's it. That's real. Simple as that.

So there are few different types of women. One that needs financial support, one that needs love alone, one that needs a simple man, one that needs a guarantee, one that wants a family guy, and the list goes on. Decide which do you want to spend your lifetime with and find that woman. For me, I'll just sit back and relax because I'm tired of searching. Biarlah aku pula yang dicari. Kalau tiada yang mencari, pasrah saja la. Jadi hot aunt pun tidak mengapa. Ahahahahahahaha

Nighty nite, peeps!

Sakit gigi.

"Putus lagi cintaku.

Putuus lagi jalinan kasih sayang ku dengannya.

Daripada sakit hati, lebih baik sakit gigi ini.

Biar, tak mengapa.

Rela, rela, rela, aku relakan."

- petikan daripada lirik lagu Sakit Gigi nyanyian Meggy Z

Baru sebulan berjinak-jinak semula dalam dunia cinta, aku tersungkur lagi buat kesekian kalinya. Lebih tepat - 34 hari. Kali ini disebabkan kawan-kawannya.

Setiap orang datang dengan 'bagasi' masing-masing. 'Bagasi' yang merupakan pakej yang datang dengan setiap orang, yang perlu kita terima jika kita mahu bersama dengan orang tersebut. Ada yang punya bagasi berisi ibu bapa - ibu bapa yang terlalu menginginkan yang sempurna buat anak mereka. Ada yang punya bagasi berisi bekas teman wanita/teman lelaki - ex yang masih punya perasaan dengan mereka ataupun mereka masih punya perasaan dengan ex mereka. Ada yang punya bagasi berisi kerjaya - kerjaya yang seringkali menjadi keutamaan mereka. Ada yang punya bagasi berisi kekecewaan - kisah lampau yang mereka tidak dapat lupakan. Dan dia? Dia punya bagasi berisi kawan-kawannya.

Bukan aku tidak kenal kawan-kawannya. Aku kenal mereka lebih dahulu sebelum aku kenal dia. Aku bukan jenis yang suka bercakap tentang hal orang lain walaupun aku tau banyak cerita tentang kawan-kawannya. Tapi aku diamkan sahaja bila aku bersama dia. Sebab bagi aku, bagasi ini boleh diangkat bersama. Selagi ianya tidak mengganggu hidupku dengannya, apa aku kisah? Aku gembira dengan dia. Walaupun aku kurang gemar bila dia keluar dengan kawan-kawannya, aku tetap biarkan. Sebab dia berhak memilih dengan siapa dia berkawan. Lagipun aku percaya dia. Dia bukan seperti mereka. Namun bila pergaduhan tercetus akibat kawan-kawannya, aku mulai gelisah. Mampukah aku menolongnya mengangkat bagasinya bersama? Akankah dia berkongsi beban bagasinya bersamaku? Ataupun hanya meminta aku mengangkatnya sendirian? Dia kata, kawan-kawannya meragui hubungan kami. Kata kawannya, aku cuma ingin mempermainkan perasaan dia sebab wanita seperti aku boleh mendapatkan yang jauh lebih kacak paras rupanya. Masalahnya, bukan paras rupa yang ku cari. Bukan susuk badan yang ku lihat. Bukan warna kulit yang memberikan ku rasa sayang itu. Kalau paras rupa yang ku cari, lebih baik aku masuk ke dunia seni dan mencari pelakon atau penyanyi atau model untuk bersamaku. Kalau susuk badan yang ku lihat, lebih baik aku ke gym dan mencari lelaki yang paling sasa. Kalau kulit putih yang mampu memberikan aku kasih sayang, lebih baik aku mencari mat saleh di luar sana. Lagi pula, paras rupa ku tidaklah secantik mana. Badan ku pula bukanlah seperti biola. Warna kulit pun kekuningan. Jadi apa yang melayakkan aku untuk memilih semua itu? Semua itu cuma luaran semata. Soal hati yang lebih ku utamakan. Kalau aku selesa dengannya, gembira bersamanya, untuk apa persoalkan fizikal? Kalau soal hati sudah memadai, soal fizikal cumalah satu bonus.

Lepas isu tersebut, isu lain pula yang dibangkitkan. Ya, memang aku pernah rapat dengan seorang kawannya. Kami banyak berkongsi tentang hati dan perasaan kerana kami ditinggalkan pada waktu yang hampir sama. Kami saling menguatkan sesama sendiri. Tetapi itu semua sebelum aku mengenali dia. Kami sudah tidak berhubung antara satu sama lain sejak aku mengenali dia. Malah sebelum aku mengenal dia pun aku telah pun memutuskan untuk tidak berhubung dengan kawannya kerana kawannya telah pun kembali kepada teman wanitanya.

Usai kisah itu, kisah  lain pula dibangkitkan. Setiap kali aku menaikturun gambar ku dengannya di laman sosial, aku akan terlebih dahulu meminta izinnya tetapi seringkali aku akan terpaksa membuang gambar tersebut setelah aku menaikturunnya. Mengapa? Kerana kawan-kawannya akan 'screenshot' gambar-gambar tersebut dan menjadikannya bahan dalam 'whatsapp' group mereka. Dia malu. Dia kurang selesa. Bukan aku ingin menunjuk-nunjuk bahagia ku. Tetapi apa salahnya kalau aku menaikturun dua tiga gambar kami bersama? Apa yang ingin dimalukan? Bagi aku, lelaki yang betul-betul mahukan aku sepatutnya bangga untuk memberitahu dunia tentang aku, dan bukannya cuba untuk menyorokkan hubungan kami berdua. Malah pernah sekali kami keluar berdua, dia ragu-ragu untuk masuk ke KFC bersamaku hanya kerana dia terlihat kawan-kawannya ada di dalam. Kalau malu, kenapa bersama?Akhirnya aku tewas. Aku tidak mampu untuk mengangkat bagasinya seorang diri. Itu bagasinya. Aku datang untuk menolongnya mengangkat bagasinya, bukan untuk aku mengangkatnya seorang diri.

Itu kisah bagasinya. Bagaimana pula dengan aku? Seperti dia dan banyak lagi yang lain, aku turut mempunyai bagasi ku sendiri. Apa pula isi bagasi ku? Bagasi ku berisi bekas teman lelaki ku. Meski sudah berpisah dengannya hampir dua tahun, aku tidak dapat nafikan bahawa masih ada sisa-sisa sayang yang masih berbaki dalam lubuk hati ini. Hatiku masih berdegup kencang bila aku mendengar nama ex ku disebut. Tanganku menjadi sejuk apabila aku terlihat kelibat ex ku. Aku masih menangis bila kadangkala teringat tentang memori kami berdua. Tetapi aku tetap mencuba. Aku tidak mahu kisah lepas menganggu kisah ku hari ini. Dan aku sangat-sangat bersyukur kerana dia memahamiku. Dia memberikan ku masa. Dia menolongku mengangkat bagasi yang memang sangat berat untuk ku pikul seorang diri. Dan bagasi itu menjadi ringan. Kenapa? Sebab aku dan dia mengangkatnya bersama.

Tetapi hari ini akhirnya hubungan terputus jua. Kerana bagasinya semata-mata. Mungkin salahku kerana terlalu cepat berputus asa untuk mengangkat bagasi tersebut. Tetapi mengapa dia tidak mahu mengangkatnya bersama ku? Kenapa dia membiarkan ku mengangkat bagasinya seorang diri? Air mata mengalir diawal pagi apabila menerima mesej darinya mengatakan bahawa perpisahan ini dia relakan. Aku pasrah. Baru 34 hari bersama dan semua hal ini telah terjadi. Mungkin sebab kami terburu-buru untuk bersama tanpa cuba mengenali hati budi masing-masing terlebih dahulu. Aku genggam jari-jemari ku erat. Aku risau tertuding jari. Kerana perpisahan ini bukan salah sesiapa. Cuma mungkin dia masih muda dan aku pula masih belum bersedia untuk bercinta lagi.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Arhhhhhh really feel like writing a novel! I should really start writing one and hand it in to a publisher. Who knows, that is my call? :)

Girlfriend vs Friends?

I believe this conflict has troubled most of the people that are in love relationships. Unless you are in relationship with your best friend, then this won't be a problem for you. But if you fell for somebody that is not in your circle of friends at first, it is gonna be difficult. No joke. Why? Because then your friends and your girlfriend will start to fight over your time. Your friends will start saying things like, "since you have a girlfriend, you spent less time with us" and your girlfriend be like, "you keep spending time with your friends and leaving me alone". No matter how hard you try to balance your time to make sure both parties are satisfied, you can still hear those accusation. In the end, you feel stressed out. You are in dilemma. Who to choose?

Other than that, being in a relationship with someone out of your circle of friends also means that you 'need' to win your friends' approval. Why? Because if they don't like her, they'll talk shit about her. At first, you'll be like '"no, they won't be able to influence me" but listening to those bullshits from time to time annoys you and in the end you'll be affected no matter how hard you try to deny it. Again, you're in dilemma. Who to choose?

See, in the first case, time management is important. However, some immature people will still can't take it. Like your friends? They want all of you. They want all the attention. They don't want to share. They don't want to grow up. To see you with someone else means a big step for you - you're growing up. They are scared. They are afraid. Because they haven't found the one. Only by the time they have found the one, then only they will be able to see why. What about your immature girlfriend? Again, she wants all of you. She wants all of your attention. She doesn't want to share. Not because she doesn't want to grow up but because she is afraid of losing you. See, a good girlfriend will let you have your time with your friends. However, you shouldn't take advantage of it. If she lets you spend your time with your friends, then you should stay with her. Because she understands your needs. Your needs to do stupid things with your so-called friends.

Meanwhile in the second case, sometimes your friends are being protective. They do not want you to get hurt. So whatever stories they heard about your girl from others, they tell you straightaway. They want you to know what's happening. They do not want you to be fooled. However, sometimes that is not always the case. Sometimes they are jealous. You are in a relationship, at last! And they are still searching! And the girl you are dating is someone out of your league? They'll be like 'WHATTTTTT??' ahahahaha.. but that is not always the case as well. They are usually jealous because you spend more time with her than with them. So they started to talk about your girl as if they have known your girl forever. As if they are the experts about your girl's life. As if they know everything about your girl. Truth is, sometimes your friends are right but sometimes they are not either. Here, you have to really rely on yourself. To scrutinize what's best for you. To seek the truth in your heart. Or sometimes to find someone (most preferably a stranger - someone who does not know your friends or your girl) and ask for his/her opinions. Sometimes wise words come from strangers.

Who to choose? It's all up to  you to decide. Choose what's best for you and then stand firm. Do not hesitate. Because you know what your heart wants.

Playgirl?

Based on yourdictionary. com , playgirl is defined as a woman who engages in casual sex and seeks pleasure in life. It is also a magazine that has the same concept as Playboy magazine - except that it shows pictures of nude men instead of nude women. Basically, playgirl has always been a negative noun or adjective in human dictionary. Now why do I bring up this topic? Because I found out that I am labeled as a playgirl by people around me.

See, playgirls here means girls who play with men's heart deliberately. It's like they have a boyfriend and they still want another; either for fun or to get more attention. And also they change boyfriends every now and then. So am I a playgirl?

See, I never intend to play with anybody's heart because I, too, was played for many times. I know how hurtful it is to be played. It's just that maybe my personality causes people to think that I am into them. Yes, I am cheerful. Yes, I am friendly, Yes, I smile to almost everyone I meet. But that does not mean I'm flirting with you. When people are kind to me, why should not I be kind to them back? But of course once those men express their feelings towards me, I will turn them down immediately if I have no feelings towards them. That's for sure. Because I don't want to hurt them more later so I make sure to let them feel down now.

Changing boyfriends every now and then? To be honest, I have to say this; I have no luck in love relationships. I don't know what is wrong with me but I always failed in my love relationships. I've been hurt so many times, been cheated, been wronged, and I just don't know what to do. The longest relationship I've ever had was only for 3 years. You see, if possible I want to fall in love once and let it be my last too. Like a fairy tale. I don't want to feel hurt. Tell me who wants to be hurt? It's just not my luck. Some people fall in love once and live happily ever after. Some people got married after two broken relationships. Some people couldn't even find the one. You're lucky if you found the one straight away. Me? I'm just unlucky enough.

Tapi entahlah. Sudah namanya manusia. Kita nda akan dapat menutup mulut diorang. Pasti ada ja salah di mata mereka. Lumrah manusia berakal pendek; bila tiada boyfriend, dikata memilih. Bila ada boyfriend, dikata terdesak. Bila boyfriend tiada rupa, dikata tidak sesuai. Bila boyfriend ada rupa, dikata nakkan yang hensem ja. Bila boyfriend kaya, dikata nakkan duit. Bila boyfriend tiada apa-apa, ditanya macam mana nak makan? Nampak kah permainannya disitu? Mulut orang mana boleh tutup. Tutup telinga sendiri, sudah la. Aku sendiri sudah lama belajar pasal benda ni. Cuma kali ini aku nda tahan bila dengar hal ni dari kawan sendiri dan orang yang aku sayang. Apa nda cukupkah diorang kenal aku? Mungkin sebab aku nda pernah menangis depan diorang bila hati aku disakiti. Mungkin sebab aku tunjukkan senyuman manisku didepan diorang walau hati menangis. Mungkin sebab aku menyibukkan diri kerana mau hati melupa sengsara buat seketika. Ya la, luka ditangan boleh dilihat. Luka dihati? Tuhan saja yang tau.

Ya, aku terkilan bila orang yang aku sayang dan aku anggap kawan cakap dengan aku, "janganlah kau dengan dia, kau cuma akan menyakitkan hati dia", "betulkah kau mau sama dia atau cuma bermain-main?, "nda akan lama kau dengan dia, percayalah. Aku kenal kau". Sakit. Terasa. Pedih. Aku robot kah? Nda punya perasaan? Makin lama aku rasa makin lemah. Serius. Aku perlu sokongan. Terkadang, hati terfikir. Adakah kegagalan dalam percintaan ku ni disebabkan oleh keputusan ku untuk meninggalkan orang yang aku cinta dua tahun lepas? Kalau ya, then aku redha. Sebab memang salah aku. Aku pilih untuk bersama keluarga instead of staying with him. Sebab aku belum ready mau tinggalkan family aku untuk orang yang baru ku kenal selama tiga tahun. Mungkin aku sudah terlepas satu-satunya cinta yang ditakdirkan untuk aku. Mungkin itulah sebabnya aku terus gagal. Mungkin? Tapi mungkin juga sebab aku masih muda. Aku masih belum bertemu 'the one'. Mungkin.

Cuma satu yang aku pinta. Percayalah aku. I want to love and be loved too. I never meant to hurt anyone. Tepuk dada, tanya selera. Kalau masih mau anggap aku suka mempermainkan hati orang, then terpulang. The cold never bothered me anyway.

P/s: Read my post about the men I dated and you'll understand better. Click here; How I Met Your Father.

The Past is Deep.

Everybody has their own past. Some past worth to be rewound while some felt like they should be deleted. Same goes with mine. Some past makes me really feel like deleting them from my memory while some past keeps rewinding in my head. Though there were good and bad memories, I have never regretted any of them. Why? Because they taught me lessons in life. I learned a lot from those bittersweet memories. Truthfully, I am not a person that regret easily. For me everything has its own purpose. They were there for reasons we might not be able to explain. I believe that in the end it will reveal its purpose for being right where it is. But not one thing. This very thing was the only thing that I have the most regret in life. Well, the only regret, I believe. That is; to walk away from my relationship with Yuan. I should have fought for us. I should have stayed.

I have tried my very best to put this behind me since the day we both decided to walk away from our relationship. Until last two nights - when I was asked, "will you be with him again if he asks you to be with him now?" Pheww! That was a killing question! What am I supposed to answer? How am I supposed to answer to that? Like, seriously. After the breakup, I was lost. Twice suicide attempt. Sat in front of the TV, cried all by myself. Drank beer alone. Stayed home. I even stupidly accepted a stranger's proposal. Because at that time, for me, my life has ended. That was it. Up until today, my heart still beats faster just by hearing his name. Or looking at his back. Or when I hear his voice. Though we only knew each other for five years and got together for just a couple of years, it was enough for a common girl like me. So what answer am I supposed to give to that question? Will I be with him again if he asks me to be with him now?

Today, I re-read his blog. The last post in his blog was last year July, a very brief post about a quote by a famous Malaysian Ustaz, "Berhati-hati memilih hati seseorang. Jangan sampai mencintai seseorang yang akhirnya akan melukai hati kita. (be careful in looking for somebody to love, do not love somebody that will one day hurt you.)". Maybe that was the moment he has finally moved on and found somebody to love. Reading his old posts hurts me a lot. I have hurt him so much that I will never get back together with him. He is a great man and he deserves someone who would not hurt him as much as I did. So do you have your answer now? You see, love is not all about having that someone. It means that you care about that person's happiness more than your own. If they are happier without you, why stay? Let them go.

2015

It's been long since I last blogged. Wow. And this is my first post in 2015. See, I rarely use my netbook if I am not in college studying or in school teaching. Without my ntbook, I won't be able to write any post. Using my iPhone is just not satisfying for me. Ahahaha

Anyway, last year, my life was just a total mess. Especially when my brother-in-law passed away. To be honest, he was the closest to me to compare to my other brother-in-laws. He made jokes a lot. He laughed a lot. He gave lots and lots of advice to me. It's like when I said I was going back, he will plan to party with our friends. We were friends even before he got to know my sister. So once he passed away, our whole family became lost. Such a huge impact. The loss was extremely difficult to be accepted. Imagine my sister. They were together since she was 15 and now she's 25. They were married for two years and their baby was just 3 months, the day he left - 30th of Nov 2014. Last Christmas was the first Christmas that all of us actually celebrated at home together. Trying our best to give support to each other, especially to my sister. I couldn't even handle a breakup. I just can't imagine if I was the one who were standing in her shoes at this very moment.

Too be honest, after my bro-in-law passed away, I somehow felt more alive than ever. It's like I'm living for the very first time in life. I appreciate life more and worry less (I don't know how long this will last) but everyday looks so beautiful now. Whatever I feel like doing, I'll just do it right at that moment. Why? Because there is no promise for tomorrow. I don't even know whether I'll be able to open my eyes tomorrow. Well every cloud has a silver lining, ey?

So live life, love life, people. :)

Life as a barista!

So, in my mission of keeping myself busy, I added one more into my schedule; barista! At first I doubt that it was a good decision. I mean, I am already busy. Will I be able to cope up with it? But being me (as usual), a girl who always challenge herself (ahahaha), I decided to give it a try. So it's been a week now and I'm loving it!

You see, I'm a Starbucks customer. So working in Starbucks actually gives me more chance to try a lot of different drinks. It offers me a chance to find my favorite one. I don't take coffee so the only drinks I have ever ordered in Starbucks are Chocolate Cream Chip and Green Tea Cream. However, when I started working in Starbucks, I have already tried the same drinks with different syrups and mixture (like bananas) ahahaha also Tiramisu, Coffees and Teas. Some of it taste weird but some of it just blow my mind! Meanwhile for food, I only order lasagna as a customer. But once I started working in Starbucks, I get to try the pastry, cakes, pancakes, fuhhhh they taste goooooooood... 

Another good thing about being a partner in Starbucks (working with them) is that I got a 30% discount for every food, beverages and merchandise in Starbucks. You see, as a regular in Starbucks, this discount is important. Ahahaha now it feels like I can't leave Starbucks anymore! How can I leave with the 30% discount given?? Ahahaha

Now let's move on to the other partners (other workers) in Starbucks. It's just been a week but it felt like I have known them in forever. They are very kind and friendly! But of course, when it comes to working with women, there will always be that kind of small argument. Yes, I am a lady but I have to agree on this. Women always talk about each other. I don't know is it because of jealousy or what but it happens. I'm not saying I'm totally different but I don't like talking about others much. I'd prefer talking about the problem I have with the other one face-to-face, unless if I don't even want to talk to that person. Ahahaha so same goes to the partners in this Starbucks. Since most of us are women, I can hear this person talks about another person and it goes on and on. But surprisingly, they laugh together while working that you almost felt like the hatred was never there! I was surprised like shit! How can they even do that? Ahahaha if it were for me, I just don't talk to that person anymore. I mean, why would I talk about a person behind his/her back but keep talking to her as if nothing ever happened? That's so fucking weird.. ahahaha so yeah, that's the only thing I don't quite like about working there. But I guess I have to accept it because that's how women work? Sigh..

While working in Starbucks, I met this two siblings who are pretty and just charming. They have that genuine smiles when they greet the customers and they are able to talk to customers as if they have known the customers in forever. So I got to know from them that they did not come from a well-to-do family. They have 5 siblings and their father has already passed away. They have to forget about their studies now and focus about making money. I seriously feel bad for them. I mean they're younger than me but they work so hard to support the family and me? I just work because I have too much time for myself. I needed to go out, socialise and be tired, to be able to sleep well at night. I didn't even have enough money for myself. It makes me feel bad about myself. They are younger but they are already supporting their family while me, older than them but still need my family to support me financially. Can you imagine that? I need to work harder.

I have really experienced a lot in just a week working in Starbucks. They don't just teach me how to make beverages, taste coffee, prepare food, they also teach me about life. Appreciating every single person in life. To help one another. These experiences will never be forgotten, that's for sure :)

P/s: Do follow my instagram (lydrielyn_koh) to check out my pics with my Starbucks partners or you can just look #starbuckstambun to check out how fun being a partner in Starbucks!

YouTube videos!

I have actually made some covers for songs on YouTube since last April. I wasn't that active to compare to the other YouTubers. For now, I only have about five videos by myself while the rest were uploaded by others when I performed somewhere else. So I'd like to share with all of you my songs cover.

This is my first cover. 'The Cup Song', by Anna Kendricks.

This is my second cover. An Indonesian song. I changed the lyrics to reply to the male singer. :)

Singing with my friends and family.

A few more but I don't know why can't I link it here. So if you wanna view the rest, you can just type my name - Lala Koh on the YouTube search and you will find me. Do leave your comments, okay? ^^

Adventure!

I have not been able to fill my life with adventurous things recently. My life was not dull, but not adventurous either. After being single again, I decided to fill my life with more adventurous things like I used to. As I told earlier in my previous entries, I registered myself for Ipoh Cycling Fun Ride which the total of distance for the two-days event is 90 kilometers. Maybe for some it is not adventurous. But for me, IT IS. Why? Because I don't cycle much. The last time I cycled was a year ago, and even that was not a serious one. I just cycled to go to work. It was only 10 kilometers per day. So this fun ride is huge. It's my first time cycling with other cyclists and for a long distance. Can I make it? I'm anxious yet excited. Ahahahaha

The next adventurous thing I'm going to do is travel to another country. I wanted to travel last year so I made my passport but never got the chance to. Since I have a week holiday on September, I decided to go to Krabi with my cousin. We are flying to Krabi from Kuala Lumpur and go back from Hat Yai by train. This is my first time travelling to another country so, YES, it is adventurous for me. It is just a relaxing trip because we are just going to chill at the beach and maybe some shopping at Hat Yai. Hope that everything's gonna be alright! Finger crossed!

Now, this one is another big adventurous thing for me. Ahahahaha I have climbed Mount Kinabalu before, about 9 years ago. Around that time, selfie was not that popular, or even taking pics. Maybe for you it is, but not for me. So there was only one pic of me at the peak of Mt Kinabalu and I don't even know where the hell is my climbing certificate. Some of my families did not have the chance to climb the mountain so we planned to go all together. The more, the merrier right? However, due to the time constraint, the plan did not go well since last year. So I decided to handle the planning since everybody else is busy (as if I have nothing to do). I mean, somebody has to step up to make this thing works. If we keep on waiting for each other to do something, then it will only be like waiting for money to fall down from the sky to me. So yesterday I made some calls and in the end found someone who can arrange it for me. However, I was told that the booking for next year has not opened yet but she will inform me as soon as the booking is made available. I told her the date I wanted and I felt relieved because now I know that we'll be climbing next year. However, I am not a patient woman, if you must know. If I want something, I want it straight away. Ahahahaha I know that is not a good trait but I have to admit, it's one of my weaknesses but sometimes it can be my strength too. Then I asked the lady if there is any empty slots for this year. Surprisingly, there is! She said she can't fit a large group but a single slot is possible. I didn't waste my chance and I said yes right there, right then! Ahahaha now don't get me wrong. I didn't ditch my families. I'll be climbing this Dec as well as next year June. Amazing right?? Ahahaha then she told me that turned out there are another two empty slots so I asked my younger sis and younger bro to come along and they, of course, are excited to join too! Can't wait for these amazing things to happen! :D

Desperado.

After the breakup (again this topic. Sorry, peeps ahahaha), there were lots of attention given to me especially from the guys. At first, I was honored. Ahahaha  I mean, I have already forgotten that feeling of being flirted much because honestly, I don't usually stay single for long, and I AM NOT PROUD of that. After posting a lot of sad statuses regarding relationships on Facebook, it only took a few days after the breakup for the guys to take the hints that I am single and they started to get into the line. Like I said, at first I was honored. However, after a few days, I was annoyed. I mean, do I look that desperate to look for a relationship? Please. I also need time for myself. Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Whatsapp, SMS, phone call - all means of communication were used to reach me. I felt so stressed out. It's like I don't have time for myself. When I don't reply, they'll keep haunting me with messages by messages until I reply. Can you believe that? Okay, I'm not trying to boast here. I'm not saying I'm pretty or cute or anything. It's just that I know very well. A girl with a broken heart usually means one thing for guys; they thought this girl is weak so it's gonna be easy for them to do anything to this girl. So listen out girls, we don't need men to stand up. All we need is time to heal and when the right time comes, the right man will appear. Don't rush. That's what I did in my previous relationships and look where has it gotten me? You better trust me.

And also I am not ready to be in relationships yet. Especially a serious one. I don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone else. I've had enough. My dad also likes to remind me every now and then; to not start any relationship until I have my own career. Ahahaha it's funny though. This is the first time in my whole life that he calls a lot. Before this, he'll be like calling me maybe once a month or every other months, but lately it was more frequently. Maybe he knows how affected I was with my recent breakup and he wants to make sure his baby girl will not be hurt badly like she is right now. There's always a silver lining in every cloud, ey?

I remembered the last time I came back home single, the aunts were so excited to introduce their sons and nephews and cousins and uncles to me. To the extent that one of them called my dad to ask whether it is possible to just arrange a marriage between me and her son. Can you believe that? Ahahaha so this time I don't think I should go back early to my hometown for my end of sem break. I'll find something else to do and got back to my hometown right before Christmas. However, this is just my early plans. I told my dad about it and he wasn't that keen of that. Of course, what father will be? He keeps telling me to go back soon and I keep telling him to come down here instead. Ahahahaha don't judge me. I miss him too. If possible I want to be with him all the time. I even followed him to work sometimes! Ahahaha and the people who work with him will talk a lot about how he talked a lot about me. Though most of the things I find embarrassing, I also felt happy because that means he thought a lot about me though we didn't talk much. I remembered sending him letters every now and then. Maybe I should send him another one soon. :)

I remembered last time when I had a huge fight with my sisters, my dad was the one who comforted me (all he did was listened to my cry actually but it was more than enough). I remembered when he called me and said, 'I know I shouldn't say this but out of all my daughters, I love you the most'. I remembered when we sat down drinking and talked about life. I remembered how he criticized me in front of me but complimented me in front of others. I am proud of having a father like him. He accepts my flaws, believes in me, has faith on me, he is just my everything. In the past, I believe, among all of his children I was the one with so much trouble (maybe even until now) and I hated him (because I never understood his love), we even argued once to the extent that I ignored him for almost half a year (I was terrible), but now I am the closest with him and I treasure our relationship. I love you, Mr Koh Eng Chuan. :)