Does Marriage Close The Door For Enjoyment?

I bet everybody has heard of this excuse to not get married - "I'm still young. I still want to enjoy my life." Or people giving advice to others who are getting married - "Hey, you're still young. Why do you want to get married? You should enjoy your life first!" What do you think of it?

As for me, I disagree of this excuse. I mean, can't you have fun after you got married? Is there no fun in marriage? I think that excuse would be better if it is said this way, "I'm not ready for kids" or "I am not sure whether I am ready for a family". See, marriage takes a lot of commitment. You can't think about you and only you. There's your spouse. You have to consider his/her feelings in every thing you do, every decisions you make. But wait, isn't that something that you did even before you both got married? Isn't that something that you did when you were in relationships?

That's why I disagree to the excuse where you can't have fun after you got married. Yes, there will be lots of things to be thought about, especially when it comes to financial because practically you both have to share everything that you have. But fun? It all depends on us. There's no stopping you to have fun in marriage. You would be able to travel together, spent every day together, buy groceries together, do laundry together, drink together, everything together. Unless you haven't found the one, then the story would be so much different. He wanted to do something else while you wanted to do something else. Then you both started to argue. I mean, why argue when both of you have fun doing other things together? I mean if you enjoy reading books while he enjoys watching sports, then go to the tea shops and read your books while he goes to the stadium and watches his team playing football. There's nothing wrong in that! Doesn't mean that you both are married, you have to stick together forever! I knew a couple who loves travelling and they still continue travelling even after they have their second baby. Another couple have their fun schedule. They take turns to have fun outside (if this weekend the husband went out drinking with his friends, the wife will be home taking care of their kids then the week after that will be the wife's turn to go out). It's all about sharing workload and good communication. I see no reason you can't have fun after you got married, unless you are not ready to be loyal to only one partner, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, everybody has their own opinion and I'm just stating mine. No offense, yahhhh!

Desperado.

After the breakup (again this topic. Sorry, peeps ahahaha), there were lots of attention given to me especially from the guys. At first, I was honored. Ahahaha  I mean, I have already forgotten that feeling of being flirted much because honestly, I don't usually stay single for long, and I AM NOT PROUD of that. After posting a lot of sad statuses regarding relationships on Facebook, it only took a few days after the breakup for the guys to take the hints that I am single and they started to get into the line. Like I said, at first I was honored. However, after a few days, I was annoyed. I mean, do I look that desperate to look for a relationship? Please. I also need time for myself. Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Whatsapp, SMS, phone call - all means of communication were used to reach me. I felt so stressed out. It's like I don't have time for myself. When I don't reply, they'll keep haunting me with messages by messages until I reply. Can you believe that? Okay, I'm not trying to boast here. I'm not saying I'm pretty or cute or anything. It's just that I know very well. A girl with a broken heart usually means one thing for guys; they thought this girl is weak so it's gonna be easy for them to do anything to this girl. So listen out girls, we don't need men to stand up. All we need is time to heal and when the right time comes, the right man will appear. Don't rush. That's what I did in my previous relationships and look where has it gotten me? You better trust me.

And also I am not ready to be in relationships yet. Especially a serious one. I don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone else. I've had enough. My dad also likes to remind me every now and then; to not start any relationship until I have my own career. Ahahaha it's funny though. This is the first time in my whole life that he calls a lot. Before this, he'll be like calling me maybe once a month or every other months, but lately it was more frequently. Maybe he knows how affected I was with my recent breakup and he wants to make sure his baby girl will not be hurt badly like she is right now. There's always a silver lining in every cloud, ey?

I remembered the last time I came back home single, the aunts were so excited to introduce their sons and nephews and cousins and uncles to me. To the extent that one of them called my dad to ask whether it is possible to just arrange a marriage between me and her son. Can you believe that? Ahahaha so this time I don't think I should go back early to my hometown for my end of sem break. I'll find something else to do and got back to my hometown right before Christmas. However, this is just my early plans. I told my dad about it and he wasn't that keen of that. Of course, what father will be? He keeps telling me to go back soon and I keep telling him to come down here instead. Ahahahaha don't judge me. I miss him too. If possible I want to be with him all the time. I even followed him to work sometimes! Ahahaha and the people who work with him will talk a lot about how he talked a lot about me. Though most of the things I find embarrassing, I also felt happy because that means he thought a lot about me though we didn't talk much. I remembered sending him letters every now and then. Maybe I should send him another one soon. :)

I remembered last time when I had a huge fight with my sisters, my dad was the one who comforted me (all he did was listened to my cry actually but it was more than enough). I remembered when he called me and said, 'I know I shouldn't say this but out of all my daughters, I love you the most'. I remembered when we sat down drinking and talked about life. I remembered how he criticized me in front of me but complimented me in front of others. I am proud of having a father like him. He accepts my flaws, believes in me, has faith on me, he is just my everything. In the past, I believe, among all of his children I was the one with so much trouble (maybe even until now) and I hated him (because I never understood his love), we even argued once to the extent that I ignored him for almost half a year (I was terrible), but now I am the closest with him and I treasure our relationship. I love you, Mr Koh Eng Chuan. :)

April 13th

April 13th is my birthday. Not a good date people usually told me. And I have to admit that I actually believed it as well because a lot of terrible things will happen either on my birthday or the day before. I have lived with that kind of thinking for years now and never bother to think or even plan anything on my birthday because I know bad things will happen anyway.

However, this year I don't know what triggers me but I actually planned something. I want to have at least once a birthday celebration for myself. A good one. So I planned. And to be frank, I was really looking forward for my coming birthday. I took a risk. Unfortunately, as expected, things didn't go well. All the things I planned seems went way off board. Everything was fucked up. And another confession from me? Yes, I gave up.

But thinking of it again, I was like no. Not this time. Not this birthday. Not now. I'm not going to let my life controls me. I should be in control of my life. I'm gonna celebrate my birthday even if I were to celebrate it all by myself. I'm not going to just sit down and accept this so-called-fate. No, I'm not gonna to do that. I have enough celebrating Christmas by myself, New Year by myself, doing nothing but crying. No, I'm so not gonna do that. I'll not let a single tear fall off my cheek this time. I'm stronger now, aren't I? I'm not that little girl anymore that cried each time other people bully me. This time I'll stand up straight and tell those people to just fuck off. I have been living independently now and I don't see any reason why I should regret for deciding it that way. Condemn me as you like, disappoint me, leave me, whatever you like, do it. I dare you. I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS.

P/s: This post is written due to the stress and problems I'm having right now. Please do not be offended. I'm just writing this to let my feelings out in a healthy way. At least I don't go for suicide anymore, right? Ahahaha good day, mates! ^^

Grown-up Conversation

For the first time in my life, my hero and I have a grown-up conversation. It's weird but I find it quite relaxing. I mean, it feels like I can tell him everything, you know? I guess it all started last Christmas, when my sisters and I had an argument and the only person I can talk to was my dad, my hero. Since that, the way we talked is just different. I feel like really, really, really and adult now. Ahahaha

So what I meant about that whole grown-up thingy was about my relationship now. I don't know. Things got pretty serious in just a couple of days and I just don't know how to explain that. My hero called and asked about Mr Joe, how is he doing and those things. Then, talks about future. Then the list just went on. It sounds really crazy to me. But I'm glad I can at last talk openly about my relationship to him, you know. I hate the idea of being in a relationship and have to hide it from the world just because of some idiotic reasons. I mean when I am in a relationship, I want everybody to know. I want the whole world to know. I prefer it that way. When people ask, "so Lala, are you still single?" I really want to answer proudly, "oh, no. I'm taken." I hate it when I have to lie just because I can't tell who am I with now. Ahh forget it. So complicated. Anyway, I really feel relieved right now. I don't have to hide my relationship anymore.

So back to the topic, grown-up conversation. Usually  Asian family, they don't discuss about sex, you know? Then my hero and I talked about it. Please don't get me wrong. Ahahaha he was trying to advise me to take care of myself as her little girl. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. At first I felt weird to have this kind of conversation with my dad. But the conversation went well. I appreciate his effort to talk about it to me. He must have had rehearsed it for so many times to make it sounds acceptable. Ahahaha

Really missing my hero right now. He told me to go back this May, but I keep giving excuses. Not that I don't want to go back, you see. It's just that I'm not ready. I don't wanna come back and then be called a spoiled little daughter who only knows how to spend money. NO, that's not who I am. I am an independent woman and I'll prove it to all of you. I'm really sorry, dad. I just can't go back. At least not now. :'(

Do you want to sleep over?

Okay, please don't misunderstand that title. Ahahaha

That's just a question I'd really want to ask to my friends. Surprised? I know right. I've been living for what, 20 years, and I've never have any experience of having my besties staying over at my place doing nothing, or just everything. You know like watch movies, play games, chit-chatting, anything. Like those things the girls usually do in movies. I wanna do that. It looks fun, doesn't it?

When I was a very young little girl, I always wanted my friends to sleep over. Too bad, their parents never let them to. I asked my parents once why wouldn't my friends' parents let them stay over? And the answer I got was maybe they are afraid that their kids will behave inappropriately or cause any trouble and so on. Well, when I looked back, maybe there are two or three times my friends did stay over but that was because  of they were having a bad time with their family. It made the stay-over a bit sad as we would talk about their problems. To do something fun makes us somewhat guilty. That was the only experience I've ever had when I was in primary school.

Then in secondary school, despite of having my apartment all by myself, I'd never have the thought of bringing my friends home. I guess it was because back in that time, most or I suppose all of my friends are rich. Like REALLY rich. So taking them to my small apartment with nothing inside is like, yeah right.. So I never did.

Now, becoming a young adult, suddenly the urge of asking my friends to sleep over came back. I don't know why. I guess I just need friends to socialize. I have seven sisters and five of them are married, leaving me and my younger sister alone. We used to spend our nights talking, gossiping, insulting *of course in a good way*, mocking, all those stuffs. And after they got married, all those stuffs are being taken away slowly. It makes me sad, and lonely, and... I don't know, depressed? Sigh. I missed those times....

Wedding!

It's December and everyone is getting married!!

Ahahahaha

Does that mean I have to start thinking of getting married?? ^^

So, my aunt, Ruhana, had officially killed her freedom for a man called Jay Pee Evanez. Ehehe

By the way, I mean it in a good way. Congratz aunt!!

I was the bridesmaid that day. More to 'unofficial bridesmaid'. Ahahaha

There were awkward moments as I wasn't the one who should be there. I was just a replacement. But I tried. ^^

Here are some pics taken that day:

From ur left: Lydrievva Koh, Lydrizza Koh, Lydrianna Koh, Mr and Mrs Evanez, Lydriecca Koh, Lydrielyn Koh (me) and Lydrinnie Koh

Lydrielyn Koh @ Lala (Me)

Me again! ^^

Me and my ex-schoolmates!

I know you might be thinking, who are those girls that were with me in the first pic. They are my beloved sisters!! ^^

Piercings.

I still remember how I used to be so obsessed with piercings back in 2009. I was so in love with piercings that having one or two piercings have never been enough. After my ears were both occupied with 10 earrings, I just couldn't get enough and wanted to do nose-piercing and blah, blah, blah.

Me: Dad, can I do nose-piercing?

(A killing-few-seconds-silence)

Me: Come on, just nose.

Dad: Lemme' ask you something, my daughter. (He usually calls me 'my daughter' when he doesn't want to break my heart) How many piercings do you have now?

Me: Emm... 10?

Dad: How many dad do you know who let his DAUGHTER to have that many piercings?

Me: Okay, okay. I got your point. But just this once. Please....?

Dad: No, means no.

Me: But..

Dad: Forget about it.

So I left that dream behind. Forcing myself to be under my dad's skin.

September 2011, suddenly I don't feel like putting on earrings anymore. The feeling gone as sudden as it once came. And now I don't think I can put on anymore earrings as it has been more than a month I left them 'untouched'. Sometimes I missed 'them' but I guess as we grow older, this kind of stuff just isn't interesting as it used to anymore. ^^

I miss you

 

I miss you like everyday,

I wanna be with you but you're away,

I try not to cry,

Each time I think of thy smile,

Wish the time would fly,

And we are only away for a mile.

But it can't be true,

as life is always be cruel,

don't worry, it will be okay soon,

keep your faith in me, cause I'll always love you son.

Trip with My Family!

It's been long since I updated my blog. I've been busy with some performances and also with my family trip! It was great. They came here last week; my dad, my mom, my sister and her husband, and they brought along my son. :)

They were here for about a week and I managed to spend about 4-5 days with them. We went around KL, Malacca, and Pahang. I enjoyed it much. Took a lot of pictures but only managed to let you see some because most pictures were taken using my sister's camera.

My dad and I :)

This picture was taken on the first day I came down to KL. The first question my dad asked when he first saw me was, "wanna have a drink tonight?". Haha

Don't misunderstand, my family takes alcoholic drinks when we are happy, celebrating something or in some special events. Me and my dad sometimes drink beer and talk about stuffs, discuss things, taking it in a very matured way, I would say. We'll just drink and talk as adults.

Me and my son

Look how happy he is. Wish I can keep that smile as it makes my day. :)

People says that he really has the Chinese-looks. Must be from his grandfather. Haha

Except for his eyelashes, it's long like mine. It is weird if you look closely to his eyes since he has that Chinese eyes but with long eyelashes. Ahahaha

Again with my dad :)

We don't look like father and daughter, do we? Ahahaha

Not even close. We look very different. I wonder, am I adopted? Ahahaha kidding.

Me and some friends

My dad, my mom, and my sis

Me, my dad and my mom

Missing them already!! :D

Re-BORN ?

Am I? I don't think so.. I am the old me, just like how and who I used to be. I'm back to Ipoh ~ my boring and stressful life I would say. Still, for coming holidays, I don't think I'm going back to Sabah. My heart is there but then it just ain't the same. I don't feel the same back there. I used to feel loved, feel needed, feel secured back with my family. Now, things have change. Well, people change as time goes on, right?