Stress-free?

People always think that I am a happy-go-lucky person, relax, have less stress, positive vibes, etc.. but then once they stumbled upon my blog and especially WeChat account, they realized how different I actually am, how emotional I can actually be. See, every human being has their own sides - positive and negative. It all just depends on where and when they want to show it out. Me? I don't know how to express it verbally. Or maybe my ego stops me from doing so. Because I don't want to let others see my tears. It makes me feel weak and useless. Whenever I felt down, I'll prefer to sit in the dark all by myself and cry. Or go out and drive like mad. Or write it all down in my blog or WeChat statuses. Now why would I do that? Because no one really read my blog, other than those who are really interested of my life, and I don't have much friends in WeChat.

Let me make it clear; I DO HAVE STRESS. I stress about even the littlest thing you can ever think about.

Like an ordinary college student, I worry about assignments.
Like an ordinary daughter, I worry about my parents.
Like an ordinary sister, I argue with my siblings.
Like an ordinary woman, I worry about my love relationships, friendships, finance.
I worry about everything.

Like when I had to use my suppose-to-be business modal just because my tyre went flat. I was so down that I drove like crazy on the road.

Like when I had no other choice but to avoid my friends because they are uncomfortable with me being around. I was so down that I decided to leave.

Like when my best bro passed away due to car accident. I was so down that I cried in the shower alone.

Like when I broke up. I was so down that I started to be a workaholic, leaving no time for myself.

See now? Just because I laugh, I smile, I talk about my problem less, it never means that I have no worries at all. I just do not want to bother others with my problems because other people have their own problems too. Anyway, think less, worry less. So don't worry, be happy? :)

5 Humble Advice For Teachers

1) Talkative with limitation
Teachers are naturally talkative. They talk a lot. Maybe because they are used to be the one who always talks so they can't stop. They talk whenever they are given the chance. Well, it's good. I mean they get to express themselves well. They get to express their ideas well. They get to brainstorm ideas well. But there should always be a limit. You shouldn't talk when you're attending a meeting. You shouldn't talk when you're attending an assembly. I mean, you yourself do not like it when your kids start talking in your class. So why do you do it?

2) Show a good example
Children learn from what they see. If you swear in the class, then expect your students to swear too. If you look messy when you go to school, then expect your students to look messy too. If you talk while attending the school assembly, then expect your students to talk in the class too. Most importantly, if you are not standing straight while singing the National Anthem, then expect your students to disrespect you too. See, since I was a kid, I was taught to stand up straight while singing the National Anthem. Up until now, I feel very much guilty if I do not stand straight if I hear the National Anthem played - even if it is played on the radio. To be honest, I don't like my government but I DON'T HAVE TO LOVE MY GOVERNMENT TO LOVE MY COUNTRY. Those two are totally different. Looking at today's generation; where the National Anthem does not mean anything for them, I feel sad. Is it the fault of our teachers?

3) Be ready to fork out your money
This is a bit difficult for some teachers. Well, it is well understood. I mean, the salary was supposed to be the payment of your hard work. You spent an average of 8 hours in the school per day from Monday to Friday (sometimes even on Saturday and Sunday), you spent your night preparing lesson plans and teaching aids for the next day, not to mention when it came to programs that need to be conducted in the school (Parent-Teacher meeting, sports day, canteen day, English month, Bahasa month, Language Camp, Rancangan Integrasi Murid Untuk Perpaduan, Gotong Royong, examinations, monthly test, and th list goes on). You're tired. Physically. Mentally. Still you have to use your own money to prepare almost everything. Even A4 papers for worksheets printing are on you. What can we say, teachers, they sacrifice a lot. Time, family, money, et cetera. Even the Prime Minister didn't sacrifice that much. Oops.

4) Be knowledgeable
Yes, you're an English teacher but that doesn't mean you should only know about English. Children expect you to know everything. When a student ask you a science-related question, you don't brush him off by asking him to ask a Science teacher. If you don't know, search for the answer and get back to him. If you do, that'll be even better. So read up!

5) Be open-minded
Children do not come from the same family background. Every single child has different background. There are Malays, Chinese, Indian, aborigines, Sabahan, Sarawakian, rich, average, poor,good proficiency level, weak proficiency level, rural areas, city areas, Muslims, Christians, Buddhist, Hindus, so many differences. So, be open. Learn their cultures. Learn their abilities. Learn their learning styles. Learn about them.

Now, I am not perfect too. I make mistakes. But let us together brings out the best in each other and try to shape a better generation! Hoyeahhhh!!

Does Marriage Close The Door For Enjoyment?

I bet everybody has heard of this excuse to not get married - "I'm still young. I still want to enjoy my life." Or people giving advice to others who are getting married - "Hey, you're still young. Why do you want to get married? You should enjoy your life first!" What do you think of it?

As for me, I disagree of this excuse. I mean, can't you have fun after you got married? Is there no fun in marriage? I think that excuse would be better if it is said this way, "I'm not ready for kids" or "I am not sure whether I am ready for a family". See, marriage takes a lot of commitment. You can't think about you and only you. There's your spouse. You have to consider his/her feelings in every thing you do, every decisions you make. But wait, isn't that something that you did even before you both got married? Isn't that something that you did when you were in relationships?

That's why I disagree to the excuse where you can't have fun after you got married. Yes, there will be lots of things to be thought about, especially when it comes to financial because practically you both have to share everything that you have. But fun? It all depends on us. There's no stopping you to have fun in marriage. You would be able to travel together, spent every day together, buy groceries together, do laundry together, drink together, everything together. Unless you haven't found the one, then the story would be so much different. He wanted to do something else while you wanted to do something else. Then you both started to argue. I mean, why argue when both of you have fun doing other things together? I mean if you enjoy reading books while he enjoys watching sports, then go to the tea shops and read your books while he goes to the stadium and watches his team playing football. There's nothing wrong in that! Doesn't mean that you both are married, you have to stick together forever! I knew a couple who loves travelling and they still continue travelling even after they have their second baby. Another couple have their fun schedule. They take turns to have fun outside (if this weekend the husband went out drinking with his friends, the wife will be home taking care of their kids then the week after that will be the wife's turn to go out). It's all about sharing workload and good communication. I see no reason you can't have fun after you got married, unless you are not ready to be loyal to only one partner, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, everybody has their own opinion and I'm just stating mine. No offense, yahhhh!

Types of women (2)

Another post of types of women. Ahahahahaha well, since people always say that women are complicated, I thought I should share my thoughts about women too. Who knows it will help the rest of us to understand women better.

Some women (I hate to admit this) are clingy. They want to be with you almost all the time. They want you all over them. If they can't be right next to you, they make sure that you guys text all the time. When you guys go out, they want to hold hands with you, put their arms around you or your arms around them, they want to take pictures with you and share it with the world, they want the world to know that you are theirs and they are yours. You might feel a bit stressed out because you can't breathe. You want your own time. You want to spend your time with others too. Now, what you can do is talk to your girl. It's not gonna be easy but if you want to save your relationship, you gotta talk to her. You gotta make her understand your needs. And don't expect her to change straight away. Changes take time.

Some women have their own ego. They do not text first. This usually happens when they are not YET in a relationship with you. They like you, you both have that mutual feelings towards each other, but they never text you first. Why? Because they believe that if the man really likes a woman, the man should be the one who starts the conversation. However, some men find this difficult. They think that both men and women can and should start the conversation every now and then. They think that if they are the only one who keep starting the conversation, that simply means that the other party is not interested. Still, you can see the hints by reading your conversation. If she is interested, she will try to keep the conversation going. If she is not, the conversation usually goes to dead end - where you are the one who keeps it going. For example, you ask 'how was your day?' Then she replied, 'not bad. Met a friend of mine, had good food. What about you? How was yours?' She asked back. Means she wants the conversation to keep going. But if she replies to you 'not bad. Haha.' She is giving a hint that she does not want to talk to you about her day. Or about anything else. Stop texting her.

Some women are over jealous type. They see you make friends with women, they got mad. They see you talk to your female friends, they got mad. They see you smile to other women, they got mad. It's like the only woman you should be talking is her. Or your mom. Or your sister. This type is dangerous. Yes, it shows that they love you so very much but no, it is not a healthy relationship you are in. It is not love anymore. It is more like an obsession. Or simply being possesive. Always remember, 'love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.' (1 Chorinthians 13:4)

There are many more different types of women but as the time ticks, my eyes get smaller as well. Ahahahaha I'm sleepyyyyyy.. But before I go to bed, I'll just share a little bit of me. I'm the second type. I do not text first. I always hear advices from other women saying that 'if you like him, you should text him first' or 'why not text him first? We are in the modern world. The rule does not apply anymore'. Well no matter how modern I may look outside, inside, I am still a traditional lady. I want to be a housewife, I want to cook for my family, I want to do all the traditional woman does for her man. So yes, I want the man to text me first. But looking at today's world, where these gentlemen are almost extinct, the chance of me finding one might be AND will be difficult. Still, no harm in waiting. Ohhhh my Manolo.. When will you arrive? Ahahahahaha nighty nite peeps!

Playgirl?

Based on yourdictionary. com , playgirl is defined as a woman who engages in casual sex and seeks pleasure in life. It is also a magazine that has the same concept as Playboy magazine - except that it shows pictures of nude men instead of nude women. Basically, playgirl has always been a negative noun or adjective in human dictionary. Now why do I bring up this topic? Because I found out that I am labeled as a playgirl by people around me.

See, playgirls here means girls who play with men's heart deliberately. It's like they have a boyfriend and they still want another; either for fun or to get more attention. And also they change boyfriends every now and then. So am I a playgirl?

See, I never intend to play with anybody's heart because I, too, was played for many times. I know how hurtful it is to be played. It's just that maybe my personality causes people to think that I am into them. Yes, I am cheerful. Yes, I am friendly, Yes, I smile to almost everyone I meet. But that does not mean I'm flirting with you. When people are kind to me, why should not I be kind to them back? But of course once those men express their feelings towards me, I will turn them down immediately if I have no feelings towards them. That's for sure. Because I don't want to hurt them more later so I make sure to let them feel down now.

Changing boyfriends every now and then? To be honest, I have to say this; I have no luck in love relationships. I don't know what is wrong with me but I always failed in my love relationships. I've been hurt so many times, been cheated, been wronged, and I just don't know what to do. The longest relationship I've ever had was only for 3 years. You see, if possible I want to fall in love once and let it be my last too. Like a fairy tale. I don't want to feel hurt. Tell me who wants to be hurt? It's just not my luck. Some people fall in love once and live happily ever after. Some people got married after two broken relationships. Some people couldn't even find the one. You're lucky if you found the one straight away. Me? I'm just unlucky enough.

Tapi entahlah. Sudah namanya manusia. Kita nda akan dapat menutup mulut diorang. Pasti ada ja salah di mata mereka. Lumrah manusia berakal pendek; bila tiada boyfriend, dikata memilih. Bila ada boyfriend, dikata terdesak. Bila boyfriend tiada rupa, dikata tidak sesuai. Bila boyfriend ada rupa, dikata nakkan yang hensem ja. Bila boyfriend kaya, dikata nakkan duit. Bila boyfriend tiada apa-apa, ditanya macam mana nak makan? Nampak kah permainannya disitu? Mulut orang mana boleh tutup. Tutup telinga sendiri, sudah la. Aku sendiri sudah lama belajar pasal benda ni. Cuma kali ini aku nda tahan bila dengar hal ni dari kawan sendiri dan orang yang aku sayang. Apa nda cukupkah diorang kenal aku? Mungkin sebab aku nda pernah menangis depan diorang bila hati aku disakiti. Mungkin sebab aku tunjukkan senyuman manisku didepan diorang walau hati menangis. Mungkin sebab aku menyibukkan diri kerana mau hati melupa sengsara buat seketika. Ya la, luka ditangan boleh dilihat. Luka dihati? Tuhan saja yang tau.

Ya, aku terkilan bila orang yang aku sayang dan aku anggap kawan cakap dengan aku, "janganlah kau dengan dia, kau cuma akan menyakitkan hati dia", "betulkah kau mau sama dia atau cuma bermain-main?, "nda akan lama kau dengan dia, percayalah. Aku kenal kau". Sakit. Terasa. Pedih. Aku robot kah? Nda punya perasaan? Makin lama aku rasa makin lemah. Serius. Aku perlu sokongan. Terkadang, hati terfikir. Adakah kegagalan dalam percintaan ku ni disebabkan oleh keputusan ku untuk meninggalkan orang yang aku cinta dua tahun lepas? Kalau ya, then aku redha. Sebab memang salah aku. Aku pilih untuk bersama keluarga instead of staying with him. Sebab aku belum ready mau tinggalkan family aku untuk orang yang baru ku kenal selama tiga tahun. Mungkin aku sudah terlepas satu-satunya cinta yang ditakdirkan untuk aku. Mungkin itulah sebabnya aku terus gagal. Mungkin? Tapi mungkin juga sebab aku masih muda. Aku masih belum bertemu 'the one'. Mungkin.

Cuma satu yang aku pinta. Percayalah aku. I want to love and be loved too. I never meant to hurt anyone. Tepuk dada, tanya selera. Kalau masih mau anggap aku suka mempermainkan hati orang, then terpulang. The cold never bothered me anyway.

P/s: Read my post about the men I dated and you'll understand better. Click here; How I Met Your Father.

The Past is Deep.

Everybody has their own past. Some past worth to be rewound while some felt like they should be deleted. Same goes with mine. Some past makes me really feel like deleting them from my memory while some past keeps rewinding in my head. Though there were good and bad memories, I have never regretted any of them. Why? Because they taught me lessons in life. I learned a lot from those bittersweet memories. Truthfully, I am not a person that regret easily. For me everything has its own purpose. They were there for reasons we might not be able to explain. I believe that in the end it will reveal its purpose for being right where it is. But not one thing. This very thing was the only thing that I have the most regret in life. Well, the only regret, I believe. That is; to walk away from my relationship with Yuan. I should have fought for us. I should have stayed.

I have tried my very best to put this behind me since the day we both decided to walk away from our relationship. Until last two nights - when I was asked, "will you be with him again if he asks you to be with him now?" Pheww! That was a killing question! What am I supposed to answer? How am I supposed to answer to that? Like, seriously. After the breakup, I was lost. Twice suicide attempt. Sat in front of the TV, cried all by myself. Drank beer alone. Stayed home. I even stupidly accepted a stranger's proposal. Because at that time, for me, my life has ended. That was it. Up until today, my heart still beats faster just by hearing his name. Or looking at his back. Or when I hear his voice. Though we only knew each other for five years and got together for just a couple of years, it was enough for a common girl like me. So what answer am I supposed to give to that question? Will I be with him again if he asks me to be with him now?

Today, I re-read his blog. The last post in his blog was last year July, a very brief post about a quote by a famous Malaysian Ustaz, "Berhati-hati memilih hati seseorang. Jangan sampai mencintai seseorang yang akhirnya akan melukai hati kita. (be careful in looking for somebody to love, do not love somebody that will one day hurt you.)". Maybe that was the moment he has finally moved on and found somebody to love. Reading his old posts hurts me a lot. I have hurt him so much that I will never get back together with him. He is a great man and he deserves someone who would not hurt him as much as I did. So do you have your answer now? You see, love is not all about having that someone. It means that you care about that person's happiness more than your own. If they are happier without you, why stay? Let them go.

2015

It's been long since I last blogged. Wow. And this is my first post in 2015. See, I rarely use my netbook if I am not in college studying or in school teaching. Without my ntbook, I won't be able to write any post. Using my iPhone is just not satisfying for me. Ahahaha

Anyway, last year, my life was just a total mess. Especially when my brother-in-law passed away. To be honest, he was the closest to me to compare to my other brother-in-laws. He made jokes a lot. He laughed a lot. He gave lots and lots of advice to me. It's like when I said I was going back, he will plan to party with our friends. We were friends even before he got to know my sister. So once he passed away, our whole family became lost. Such a huge impact. The loss was extremely difficult to be accepted. Imagine my sister. They were together since she was 15 and now she's 25. They were married for two years and their baby was just 3 months, the day he left - 30th of Nov 2014. Last Christmas was the first Christmas that all of us actually celebrated at home together. Trying our best to give support to each other, especially to my sister. I couldn't even handle a breakup. I just can't imagine if I was the one who were standing in her shoes at this very moment.

Too be honest, after my bro-in-law passed away, I somehow felt more alive than ever. It's like I'm living for the very first time in life. I appreciate life more and worry less (I don't know how long this will last) but everyday looks so beautiful now. Whatever I feel like doing, I'll just do it right at that moment. Why? Because there is no promise for tomorrow. I don't even know whether I'll be able to open my eyes tomorrow. Well every cloud has a silver lining, ey?

So live life, love life, people. :)

Life as a barista!

So, in my mission of keeping myself busy, I added one more into my schedule; barista! At first I doubt that it was a good decision. I mean, I am already busy. Will I be able to cope up with it? But being me (as usual), a girl who always challenge herself (ahahaha), I decided to give it a try. So it's been a week now and I'm loving it!

You see, I'm a Starbucks customer. So working in Starbucks actually gives me more chance to try a lot of different drinks. It offers me a chance to find my favorite one. I don't take coffee so the only drinks I have ever ordered in Starbucks are Chocolate Cream Chip and Green Tea Cream. However, when I started working in Starbucks, I have already tried the same drinks with different syrups and mixture (like bananas) ahahaha also Tiramisu, Coffees and Teas. Some of it taste weird but some of it just blow my mind! Meanwhile for food, I only order lasagna as a customer. But once I started working in Starbucks, I get to try the pastry, cakes, pancakes, fuhhhh they taste goooooooood... 

Another good thing about being a partner in Starbucks (working with them) is that I got a 30% discount for every food, beverages and merchandise in Starbucks. You see, as a regular in Starbucks, this discount is important. Ahahaha now it feels like I can't leave Starbucks anymore! How can I leave with the 30% discount given?? Ahahaha

Now let's move on to the other partners (other workers) in Starbucks. It's just been a week but it felt like I have known them in forever. They are very kind and friendly! But of course, when it comes to working with women, there will always be that kind of small argument. Yes, I am a lady but I have to agree on this. Women always talk about each other. I don't know is it because of jealousy or what but it happens. I'm not saying I'm totally different but I don't like talking about others much. I'd prefer talking about the problem I have with the other one face-to-face, unless if I don't even want to talk to that person. Ahahaha so same goes to the partners in this Starbucks. Since most of us are women, I can hear this person talks about another person and it goes on and on. But surprisingly, they laugh together while working that you almost felt like the hatred was never there! I was surprised like shit! How can they even do that? Ahahaha if it were for me, I just don't talk to that person anymore. I mean, why would I talk about a person behind his/her back but keep talking to her as if nothing ever happened? That's so fucking weird.. ahahaha so yeah, that's the only thing I don't quite like about working there. But I guess I have to accept it because that's how women work? Sigh..

While working in Starbucks, I met this two siblings who are pretty and just charming. They have that genuine smiles when they greet the customers and they are able to talk to customers as if they have known the customers in forever. So I got to know from them that they did not come from a well-to-do family. They have 5 siblings and their father has already passed away. They have to forget about their studies now and focus about making money. I seriously feel bad for them. I mean they're younger than me but they work so hard to support the family and me? I just work because I have too much time for myself. I needed to go out, socialise and be tired, to be able to sleep well at night. I didn't even have enough money for myself. It makes me feel bad about myself. They are younger but they are already supporting their family while me, older than them but still need my family to support me financially. Can you imagine that? I need to work harder.

I have really experienced a lot in just a week working in Starbucks. They don't just teach me how to make beverages, taste coffee, prepare food, they also teach me about life. Appreciating every single person in life. To help one another. These experiences will never be forgotten, that's for sure :)

P/s: Do follow my instagram (lydrielyn_koh) to check out my pics with my Starbucks partners or you can just look #starbuckstambun to check out how fun being a partner in Starbucks!

Adventure!

I have not been able to fill my life with adventurous things recently. My life was not dull, but not adventurous either. After being single again, I decided to fill my life with more adventurous things like I used to. As I told earlier in my previous entries, I registered myself for Ipoh Cycling Fun Ride which the total of distance for the two-days event is 90 kilometers. Maybe for some it is not adventurous. But for me, IT IS. Why? Because I don't cycle much. The last time I cycled was a year ago, and even that was not a serious one. I just cycled to go to work. It was only 10 kilometers per day. So this fun ride is huge. It's my first time cycling with other cyclists and for a long distance. Can I make it? I'm anxious yet excited. Ahahahaha

The next adventurous thing I'm going to do is travel to another country. I wanted to travel last year so I made my passport but never got the chance to. Since I have a week holiday on September, I decided to go to Krabi with my cousin. We are flying to Krabi from Kuala Lumpur and go back from Hat Yai by train. This is my first time travelling to another country so, YES, it is adventurous for me. It is just a relaxing trip because we are just going to chill at the beach and maybe some shopping at Hat Yai. Hope that everything's gonna be alright! Finger crossed!

Now, this one is another big adventurous thing for me. Ahahahaha I have climbed Mount Kinabalu before, about 9 years ago. Around that time, selfie was not that popular, or even taking pics. Maybe for you it is, but not for me. So there was only one pic of me at the peak of Mt Kinabalu and I don't even know where the hell is my climbing certificate. Some of my families did not have the chance to climb the mountain so we planned to go all together. The more, the merrier right? However, due to the time constraint, the plan did not go well since last year. So I decided to handle the planning since everybody else is busy (as if I have nothing to do). I mean, somebody has to step up to make this thing works. If we keep on waiting for each other to do something, then it will only be like waiting for money to fall down from the sky to me. So yesterday I made some calls and in the end found someone who can arrange it for me. However, I was told that the booking for next year has not opened yet but she will inform me as soon as the booking is made available. I told her the date I wanted and I felt relieved because now I know that we'll be climbing next year. However, I am not a patient woman, if you must know. If I want something, I want it straight away. Ahahahaha I know that is not a good trait but I have to admit, it's one of my weaknesses but sometimes it can be my strength too. Then I asked the lady if there is any empty slots for this year. Surprisingly, there is! She said she can't fit a large group but a single slot is possible. I didn't waste my chance and I said yes right there, right then! Ahahaha now don't get me wrong. I didn't ditch my families. I'll be climbing this Dec as well as next year June. Amazing right?? Ahahaha then she told me that turned out there are another two empty slots so I asked my younger sis and younger bro to come along and they, of course, are excited to join too! Can't wait for these amazing things to happen! :D

Breakup

Okay, I know I talked about breakup a lot lately. Please, don't be annoyed. It's just that I didn't know who else to talk to about this. Why? Because I know they are bored listening to this too. And their responses were all gonna be like, 'oh, you'll find another', 'don't be sad', 'any guy who dumped you are a total moron', 'you should not even be in a serious relationship for a start', in short - all the things said just to make me feel better. You see, sometimes you just want to be heard. Not to be given some common advice.

Anyway, this recent breakup is actually kind of big and different to me. Why? Because we were actually engaged! It was not official yet because we tried looking for the date but both parents knew and we have bought the ring for the engagement. We bought an apartment. We threw a housewarming party. We made loan for our future. We prepared almost everything. And when you're engaged, and you're a woman, you planned for the wedding as well. So being a typical woman, I planned for the wedding too. I have checked out the wedding dresses, I knew what I want, I went to some bridal shops, picked a few wedding invitation cards, picked the wedding theme, visit some places for the wedding to be organized, analyze budget, sign up for wedding websites, downloaded apps for wedding planning, just name it - I'll have it. I didn't do it alone. Most of the decisions were made by both of us. I mean we're the one who were getting married. So can you imagine how big it was? Yes, it was huge.I can say that we were ready, not just for the wedding, but for our future as well. So we thought we were ready for everything; physically, financially, spiritually.. and little did we know, we are not emotionally ready for each other, for our marriage.

So now you see? How this breakup is different from my other breakups? But after all the storm, I can actually see the light now. I mean, I've taken too much responsibility for my age. For fuck's sake, I worked and looked for every opportunities I can to earn money when I was always told to relax and focus on my study. We (my ex-fiance and I) bought an apartment in which we agreed he will settle the deposit and few other stuff while I'll settle monthly payment and maintenance, when being a student I shouldn't even think of owning an apartment. I refuse to take money from my parents wherever possible, when I can just ask anytime I want. I need to take a break. I need to let go of some responsibilities that I shouldn't take in the first place. I need to act like my real age. I need to stop growing up for a while. I have been a grown up lady since Form 4, taking responsibilities into my own hand. It's not time to be responsible, YET. So can you see what I see? I see freedom! AHAHAHAHA so that's the light for me.

I remembered when I told people around I am engaged, people keep telling me that I am still young, that I should enjoy the world, that I should enjoy my single moment, that I should see what other options do I have, that it is not that time yet. But I always ignored them by saying the sooner I got married, the more time I will have to spend with my spouse. Well, I guess this time I was wrong. They were right. Another light for me. :)

However, if any of you guys are thinking of getting married around my age (early 20's), don't listen to me or anybody else. Listen to what your heart has to say. I never said it is wrong to get married in such an early age. It just that it didn't work for me. What didn't work for me might work for you. Okay?

Just a quote for the day:
Some things need to fall apart to make ways for better things. (Zoey, How I Met Your Mother - Season 6, Episode 17)

Trust

Have you had your driving license? Do you notice the changes in you before and after you know how to drive? You might have a lot of answers for that but I assure you, the one that I’m about to tell you is going to blow your mind.

Remember when you were young? When you’re just six or seven years old? When you had to be accompanied by your parents everywhere you went? At that time, you did not know the direction to go somewhere nor did you know how to drive. All you knew is to sit down and trust your father. Whether he drove fast or slow, he was using another way or not, he was talking on the phone or not, you just sat down quietly. Why? Because you trusted your father. You knew how much he loves you and that you will be safe as long as he is around. What about today? After you know how to drive? Be honest. Have you ever told your dad to slow down the car? Or drive faster? Or go a little bit to the left? And a little bit to the right? Or brake earlier? Or use another way? I believe all of us have done at least one that I have mentioned. Why? Because we already know how to drive and we thought we know everything. Suddenly, we do not trust other drivers anymore. We do not trust our dads anymore.

You see, that is what happened to us today. As we grow up, we started to have doubts in God. We thought we know better. When we were young, we have never questioned Him. We trusted him because we know wherever ways He took us and whatever ways He did it; He did it for the best of us. However, as we experience the things around us, we suddenly thought we know better. We ignore His love, His way and His judgment. We started to doubt. When we ask something from Him, we ask ourselves, ‘Is He listening?’, ‘does He care?’, ‘why is my life like this?’ and even ask, ‘is there God?’. When we ask something from Him, we forgotten that He does listen and He does care. He might take a longer ride with you, a different road than the one you expected. It is just simply, maybe, it is not the right time to give us what we want, or He has something else better than the one we asked. He always has a better plan for us. All we need to do is to trust Him.

So if today you feel down and think that nobody is there for you, remember this; God is there and has always been there for you. Be strong because “He hears your prayer, He feels your pain and He knows you try so hard to overcome this endless fight. Just don’t give up” (Jayesslee, Failure in Disguise).

Post-breakup Activities

After a breakup, most people will do a lot of stuff just to forget about it whenever possible. Some try to look for a new person to fill that hole in, some start new habit, some just broke down and cried, some stay home, some can't stand to be home, some spend their time with their friends, some just want to be left alone, in short; most of us just try to do something, keep ourselves busy to make sure we will not think about the breakup much because it hurts a lot. However, some just continue their old routine as if nothing ever happened. What about me? Well, I have to say that I fall into the first category.

I try to make myself tired so that I will not think about the breakup during the day and will be able to sleep at night. I planned my future activities in order to keep my mind busy thinking of what should be done next and determining what my goals are.

For these two months, I don't actually have to plan anything to keep myself busy because I am already busy teaching the kids in school. However, like usual, things keep coming to me and what I usually do? I just say yes! Ahahaha so for a one week holiday starting this coming weekend, I will be busy working at McDonald because my manager called and asked if I could lend a hand. Of course I said yes! Because I'll be able to keep myself busy and get money from that. Ahahaha in fact, I'll start my practical (have to practice my skill in working there because it's been almost a year after I quit) tomorrowwwww! Can you believe that? Ahahaha

Then, the next holiday will be on September. I will most probably go for a cycling (fun ride) in Taiping and Ipoh, Perak. It is a two-days event and I am just waiting for my other two friends to confirm. Once they have confirmed, we will register our names straight away and I can't wait for that! To be honest, this is gonna be my first time cycling that far (if I could make it to the end) because the total kilometers I'll be cycling is 90km! Ahahahaha On the first day, it will be at Taiping (35km) and the second day will be at Ipoh (55km). When I first told my friends about this idea, one of them actually said, 'you're crying in your room just because you've had a rough breakup? Bitch please, I go out and cycle like mad because I've had a rough breakup. Lala's logic'. AHAHAHAHAHA anyway, if there's any one of you who are interested to join this event, you can just click on this link and check it out. The registration has just opened last few days. :) - http://www.mica.com.my/

After that, I will have another few days to spare. I was thinking of having a vacation in an island but then I will start thinking a lot as well as I'll be spending my time all alone. Wanted to go for shopping but is boring. So, any ideas what should I do?

Then, come the lonnnggggggg holidayyyyy starting late November until early January. I actually thought of joining my French friend, to Iran, for some volunteering programs but the ticket is so damn expensive! If you're reading this, Yogo, I am very sorry. Huhu then I asked around, and a friend from India said there is a volunteering program in India (Mother Teresa Mission Charity) but he said he couldn't join me as he is going to be busy with exam around that time, and he wouldn't let me do it alone just because he thinks it is dangerous. Sigh.. I hate you, Shamin. And I am sorry if you're reading this. Ahahahaha so I thought of volunteering in Cambodia. Too bad, right now they are not taking any volunteers. Then my friend said I should help out his mom to handle some charity programs in Sabah. I was like, okay, that sounds good. However, his mom attends the same church with my ex's family, and I don't think it is a good idea to be involved that much with his family right now. I mean, how can I forget if I keep seeing them? That's one of the reason I didn't want to go back my hometown that soon for my year-end holiday anyway. You know what, I just can't believe how much trouble do I have to go through just to volunteer! Ahahaha so now I thought I'll just find some volunteer programs around Malaysia because I'm more familiar with my own country and plus I should put my country first when it comes to volunteering what. Right?

So that's about now. Just a reminder to everyone who just had their breakups, "some things need to fall apart to make way for better things" (Zoey from How I Met Your Mother). :)

How I Met Your Father

Dayyymmmmmmnnnnnnnn (say it in a two-syllable damn) !! Haven't updated this blog in like forever! I knew that but I only realized that after I received an email from my French friend asking when am I going to update about what's happening in my life because he has not met me in a while. So yeah, I'm here.

Let's get back to the post's title. I bet you've watched How I Met Your Mother before. It is about how relationships come and go for Ted, the main character, before he actually met the mother of his children. So this post is another version of it, where I'll be the main character. (Well, I am the writer, anyway. Ahahahaha) Before I start, I'd like to remind you that this post is gonna be long and talks about breakups (mostly). Maybe to some, breakups are okay, but still most of us find it rather depressing, devastating and all the negative adjectives that can be found to describe breakups. For me breakups suck but not until I realized that others actually thought I am ALWAYS doing great after a breakup. Well, you guys are totally wrong. Now here's the story:

My friends and I were talking casually when they suddenly talked about breakups. About how they broke down so terribly it was so difficult for them to stand back on their own feet. Then one of them looked at me and asked, "I bet you have never experienced this". I was like, WHAAATTTTTTTT?? That was an extremely blunt accusation! And I totally couldn't accept it! Ahahaha you see, I am a woman and I have a very soft heart. I get angry and upset very fast especially when it comes to the day of the month. I am ridiculously sensitive especially to people that I love. So, you see. I am as normal as a woman can be.

So let me tell you about my breakups experiences. The first one; when I was 13 years old. Now, don't judge me. Yes, I was involved in love relationships at a very young age. Since he was my first boyfriend, I thought I was so madly in love. Mind you, when I was at that age, I didn't know how to dress up. I wore boys' shorts, I tied all my hair to the back (without any styles) and I was nothing. So my boyfriend at that time maybe wanted something more so he cheated on me. Twice. With the same girl. Take that! Ahahahaha I was so frustrated that I started to look at myself at the mirror. I thought, 'hey that girl needs a change in appearance'. So I did. I started wearing short denims, skirts, dresses, even 4-inch heels! And it paid well. My boyfriend came back to me saying how sorry he was and that he wanted to get back together but you see, the power was in my hand. So though I still had so much feelings for him, my ego put away all those feelings right there right then and I proudly said NO. You thought it was easy? No, I actually cried each time I hear our songs on the radio until I was 16. YES, it was that difficult.

Now, to the second breakups. It was a long-distance relationship so it was kind of difficult. It got even more difficult when we contacted each other less. We met each other like once a year and he only replied my text message (in average) once a week. Imagine calling. He wouldn't even bother calling me. But I was blind. So I waited. Up until one time, a friend made me realize how stupid I was that at last, I broke up with him. We actually broke up a few times but he successfully talked to me that I'd agree to stay with him. Those first few breakups made me cry like a baby but the last breakup? I actually felt relieved because I knew that was so gonna be the last one we'll ever be together. Can you see how every breakups made me stronger? Also, smarter? Ahahahaha

Next we go on to the third one. He was a charm. He took care of me. He was like a prince to me though he has a dark skin. Ahahaha not being racist here, but in the fairy tales, the princes always have fair skin! So I almost thought that he was the one (I was only 17 back then), until I saw he was texting a girl he always claimed as his childhood friend (saying it in a way that he is not even a single bit interested in her) and they were talking about how they had a 'good time' in the car 'last night' (you know what I mean). I was so upset! I mean who wouldn't right? So I broke up with him and suddenly he pointed out all weaknesses that I had to the extent that I was the one who felt wrong back then. To think about it now, I was so easily manipulated. Stupid. No, it's more like MORON. How did I deal with the breakup? I drank in front of my TV alone (I was living alone back then), I started smoking and I stopped focusing on my studies. Yes, that's how terrible my life was after the breakup.

Then, came an angel. Ahahahaha he stepped into my life when he saw how broken I was. He got me back to my own two feet and before I knew it, I was already flying. He was like the perfect man ever invented by God and this time I have to tell you that I was wrong. You see, after all the reasons that had caused my breakups before, I started to look at men as worthless human being. For me, all of them are just the same. So, I didn't appreciate them much. All they know is to hurt others. But boy was I wrong. This guy was so perfect and I just blew him away like that. He did his best to win me and I was in love. But it was just too scary to fall in love again. I remembered that time when he was busy preparing for his exam. It was important because he needed to pass the exam to be in the medics. He is crazy about being a doctor. It's like he had planned it much earlier. Wait. It was us. We planned it that way because I wanted to be a pharmacist and have my own pharmacy. That was the dream we created. The plan we wanted to have. However, as time went by, I realized that having a diploma in pharmacy won't take me anywhere especially when I was studying in a government sector. Then, education course offered me a degree. I hesitated but because of the degree, I thought 'well, that should be good. I mean good salary, secured job. What the hell, right?'. Andddd there came the problem. We drifted apart as our goal changed. I started to doubt him due to our long-distance relationship. It was difficult because I didn't understand our different schedule anymore. I slept early, went to class on working hours, an exam per semester but his was totally different. He went to bed like early mornings, went to class (even at night) and it's like he just had exam every week! So these differences in lifestyles had actually caused me to doubt him. I started to ask myself, is he really studying till late at night? Is he really having a class at night? Is he really having exams every week that he was so busy studying? Those questions killed me everyday. Also, due to my past relationships, I started to become phobia. Most of them cheated on me so it was difficult to really really put my trust on men. Sighhh.. we argued almost everyday till one day I just couldn't take it anymore so we broke up. But the last thing he said to me was so heartbreaking that I will always remember it to this day. He said, "sweetheart, I'm sorry I work too hard for our future". It's sad, isn't it? I was being selfish.

Let's move on to the next relationship. Well, this one is rather different. Why? Because we didn't break up just because we chose to. We broke up because we had to. We couldn't be together. You see, if you are following my blog, you'll know that in my country, a Muslim cannot get married with a non-Muslim. One of them has to convert. And in my case, usually the non-Muslims are the one who have to convert. So when I meet this guy, it is almost like in the movies. We were from different states, met in a small island. We studied in a college together until a month later I was offered another course and so I left. Eventually, he moved too because he was also offered another better course. We did contact each other after that. Almost everyday, every night. Until again, I was offered another course. I was so excited because it was the same course as his. So, I texted him and you know what happened next? Turned out we were going to study at the same college again! Wasn't that magical? I mean we knew each other at an island that both of us were not familiar with. Then, we met again in a state none of us know of. The magic didn't end there. I then continued my study at his college. However, he suddenly started to ignore me. We didn't talk to each other. It's like he was so 'busy' after I reached, when before this he had always got his time for me. I knew I wasn't his girlfriend but still he can treat me like his best friend. I mean we were. We were so close back in our previous college to the extent that people thought we were dating (actually, I was hoping the same too). Ahahahaha I felt so betrayed, I was so mad and I said to myself, 'hell no, no one is going to hurt Lala ever again'. So I stopped contacting him for like a year until the magic appeared once again. I was on a holiday with my girlfriend in Cameron Highland when I accidentally bumped into him in the middle of the road. I was walking on the pavement with my girlfriend, when he was driving with his friends. I didn't know how but we just saw each other. Later that night he called me and asked whether we can meet up. So we met up and talked about nothing and everything. He explained about his awkwardness towards the beginning and blah blah blah. We actually talked until we could see the sunlight. It was seriously like a dream to me. It was wonderful. It actually made me wonder, were we made for each other? I mean, who wouldn't think that way? It's like God created a pathway so that we will keep bumping at each other. So we were sooooo madly in love until one day I made a terrible mistake. I invited him to my sister's wedding. My family got to know that I was in a relationship with a Muslim guy and I was asked, straight away, to leave him. I was so frustrated. But what can I do? I love my God and I love my family. I was condemned, blackmailed and all the negative verbs were done to me. I asked him if he wants to convert to my religion but he insisted me to convert to his instead. We got into a huge argument and in the end we just decided to let go. It was the toughest decision I have ever made. I cried myself to bed everyday on that particular month we broke up, I watched our movie that we had made for each other with all the pics we collected since 3 years before, I drank beer whenever I was left alone (which is almost everytime), and in the end I even decided to suicide (not only decided, I actually tried but I was a coward I tried to save myself in the end). Did you see how bad I handle breakups? I may look strong to you but I am just exactly like you guys. I may look happy to you because you haven't seen me in my room trying to end my life. I have to admit. No matter how hard-headed a girl I seem to look, I am still a weak girl, that needs a man to hold me strong (which always, in my case, is my father).

Getting bored, ey? Well, this one gonna be the last breakup I'm gonna share with you. So sit up straight. Ahahahaha this guy? I had never imagined to be with someone like him. Why?
1. He is a guy in a uniform (for me people who work in army, airforce, navy, police, are all could not be trusted. Well, I have plenty of reasons which I'll go to that later)
2. He works in West Malaysia (I've been wanting to work in rural areas back in my own state, to serve my people)
3. A very strong government supporter (I am more to the opposition)
4. Humble isn't something he lives up to (he compliments himself more than he compliments others. Well maybe it's good but I live in humility and being humble is my way of life)
5. He uses high tone/pitch when he talks to the family (it made me into thinking, how is he going to be the head of the family if he is going to shout at everybody?)

But my aunt set us up as she thought we were best for each other. You know, the concept of Yin and Yang. So we tried. At first it was awkward. I mean we barely knew each other. But then, surprisingly it got better quite fast. Our parents arranged us to get married as soon as possible, and before I know it, we already bought our engagement rings, own a car as well as an apartment! We were a practical couple. We did things for our future and it was so perfect! I was happy, he was happy, but little did we realize, we were focusing too much in making our future so perfect that we forgot we need to live our present life first in order to grab the future. So when we started focusing on our future, we stopped living in the present. There was not much of memorable dates or that cheesy romantic dinner. It was all about plans and plans and plans about our future. When we go out it'll be talking of which paint to buy for the apartment, what to put in the kitchen, what kind of sofa to be in the living room, do we need TV or not. These things became more important than having our time together. Then, his father started to interfere. Of course, having a good relationship with your father is good. But to the extent that you share all the things that only a couple should share is too much. It was frustrating. I mean, why want to talk to others when you can just say it to each other? Though in movies they always portray that girls talk about their boyfriends' weaknesses all the time, it doesn't happen in reality. We only brag about our boyfriends. We don't talk much about our problems because it should be private. So slowly, we began to argue more and more. Oh and another thing, both of us didn't say out loud about what we felt towards each other. That was another problem. We kept it to ourselves and tried giving hints as if our partner is a mind-reader. This became another problem. All of these things, at last, went to the surface and killed the relationship. I'd prefer to admit that I was wrong because I was such an arse and everybody told me so. I tried talking to him, which was the first time for me. I mean, I have never talked a guy into getting back together with me. For me, what's gone is gone. I don't look back anymore. But this time, I tried. Twice. And he wouldn't listen so I guess that was the end of it. We broke up (more to he broke up with me) and to compare to my previous breakup, I accepted it more openheartedly. Maybe because the previous one, there was nothing we could do to be together even if we love each other so much. But this one? We can actually work on it together but he chose not to. So it was a decision that he made and after trying to change his decision twice, I guess God just has a better plan for me. Of course I was still affected with the breakup. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat much (I lost 3 kgs in just a week) and I kept myself home whenever possible. It was tough.

Now, kids. Wondering how I met your father? Keep on wondering because the story is gonna be long. I'm still young and I guess there will be more to come. So, wait for another episode. Ahahahahaha

Life?

Recently, so many cases of crime. People killing, peoply dying. Some fell sick. Ill. Some got cancer. Some didn't survive. Some are still fighting. But one common thing I can see in them is that they want to live. They try their best to fight. They want their life back. They fell but still they try to stand on their weak feet. They cry but it didn't stop them from fighting. All because they want to live.

It makes me feel terrible. Makes me feel sick. Makes me feel awful, shameful. Why? Because I am young and healthy and yet I am trying so many times to end my beautiful life. Thinking that these problems I am facing is the biggest of all. I forgot those people who actually fight to get back their life. I was being so selfish, trying so hard to throw away my life when others are crying because they are losing it.

I need to wake up. I need to start seeing this world as a better place. A beautiful world I used to see. A peaceful world created by God. Yes, Lala. It's time for you to wake up. It is not the end of the world, YET. There are reasons why things happen the way it is now. Maybe you won't see it now. Maybe you can't see it now. But you WILL. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but you will Lala. Trust Him. He knows best. Our God knows best. Just trust Him, okay?

Why?

Sometimes I wonder,

Why is it hard to speak out the truth?

Why is it difficult to tell lies?

Why is it hard to understand others?

Why is it difficult to read what's in people's minds?

Shouldn't it be easy?

To say 'yes' when you want to say 'yes'?

To say 'no' when you want to say 'no'?

To say out what you want when you want to say it?

To lie to others just to please them?

Too bad,

it's not as simple as ABC,

not as simple as 123,

not as simple as you and me.

Why can't we make it simple?

Why can't we make it easy?

Why can't we live like how we want it to be?

So, anything new?

Haven't write in a while. I have so many things to write about but you see once you want to blog about something, you have to do it right when you have that feeling to write. Only bloggers understand that. It's like you have an idea to write about something and you need to write about it right at that particular moment, or else you will never bother to write about it anymore. So, yes, that's what I'm facing right about now. Ahahahaha

Anyway, it's exam time and this semester I couldn't bother any more. I really want to score, want to do my very best, but my motivation is gone, I supposed. I mean, I used to have this vision of my life; to study, to have a good job, to travel, to know about the world more, and there's so much more in life that I need to discover. There is MORE to life. And I want to know more. But I don't think I can achieve those visions anymore. I can say that my life now has been arranged by others and maybe by me as well. I don't know. All I know is that I feel like I'm living someone else's life right now. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm lost in my own life. Waking up everyday to questions from the inside of me asking 'who are you?', 'what are you doing to Lala's life?', 'how long will you be controlling her life?' Those questions make me cry sometimes. I'm starting to think that I've gone crazy. Sigh. I need a doctor.

Every now and then I wish that I can actually tell someone what problems am I facing. But I just can't. They will never understand. They can't do anything anyway. The only thing they will do is judging. They are very good in judging. They see themselves as God; thinking they know everything, that they are always right. They didn't see the pains others are experiencing. In the end, it's always between me and God. I'll be crying and crying and crying seeking comfort from Him. I don't know, I just felt something is missing. Maybe I'm not that sincere enough. I really don't know..

Or maybe it's because it's you I'm missing. It's you I've been looking for. Maybe it's you. Just maybe.. :'(

Love

Love is simple.

I love you, you love me.

But to be with someone you love is not as simple as that.

There will always be challenges, barriers that won't go.

They are so strong that they make you feel weak.

They make you feel like giving up.

They suffocate you.

They kill you.

Slowly.

Love is beautiful.

When you start loving someone, the world feels like heaven.

But love can be deceiving.

It hurts thousands of people.

Loving someone means you are ready to be hurt.

It means you are ready to fall apart.

It means crying is going to be a part of your life.

It means a litre of tears.

I wish love is like a fairytale.

Where there is only a witch and her plans.

Where there is a man with his true love.

Where there is no other.

Where there is no lie.

Where there is no religion.

Where there is only you and me.

Yeah, I wish.

I really wish.

I wish love is like how they described it in love songs.

'I won't give up', says Jason Mraz.

To be 'Crazy in love' like Beyonce.

To 'Love you inside out' says Bee Gees.

Because Barry White 'can't get enough of your love, babe'.

Always be 'close to you', says The Carpenters.

Because Ray Charles know 'I can't stop loving you'.

Trust me, these are the words I really want you to hear.

I really want you to know.

I really do.

:'(

Mathematics.

Marking Form 3 exam papers for Mathematics subject last night was really a devastating experience. It was sad. Why? Because it reminded me of who I was back in high school. It reminded me of my passion few years back. And now, here I am teaching English language. A subject that I have no interest in since I couldn't remember when.

I have to agree that language is beautiful. With alphabets, words, sentences, they make us understand each other. They are special. But I never really into language. It's ironic because I speak in more than 3 languages, maybe not that good but still understandable. I find language interesting, but not to the point where I would want to learn everything about it.

Maths? It's a completely different matter. I can sit down and look at numbers for hours without stopping. It makes me wonder, makes me think, it fascinates me, it amazes me. They say once I became a real teacher, I'd be able to teach my students Mathematics as well, but primary school's Maths? Come on! I don't just want to teach numbers. I want to teach others and myself about what we can do with numbers. I remembered how hard I work in solving Additional Mathematics questions when I was in high school. Thinking how satisfied I was once I solved the equation. I was so passionate in it. But now? What to solve in English language?

I now understand the reason why I was not that passionate like I used to be in high school. Simply because I was not in the field that my passion lives in. Checking the answer scheme last night had really opened my eyes wide. That was the first time in years after my high school that I really sit down and analyze.

Fuh! I guess there's nothing I can do anyway. Sayonara, Mr. Mathematics. T.T

Everlasting Friendship

Looking through my pieces of work about 2 years ago, I stumbled on an essay which has made me smile. And I am very excited to show it to you guys!It is about 'Everlasting Friendship'. Have fun reading! :)

     Generally, based on the Macmillan English Dictionary (2007, pg 504), everlasting is 
 defined as something that will continue to exist forever meanwhile friendship means a relationship between people who are friends or the feeling of being friends with others. So basically, everlasting friendship means a relationship between people that lasts for a lifetime. But for sure, every each of us will have our own different perception of the word ‘everlasting friendship’. As quoted by Farah Syuhana, the most relaxed person in our small circle of friends, everlasting friendship means something that is built with trust, love and care throughout the whole friendship process. Meanwhile, Bernadette, the most timid person, said that “it is when someone is willing to spend their free time for you and willing to listen to every useless thing you rant about”. It is funny to know that a single word – ‘everlasting friendship’, could be defined in million ways possible.

Read more...

Photoshoot II

Sooo....

I had another photo shoot yesterday for my institute's batik. A friend asked me to be the model just to show the students how do the batiks look like. So I did it for the sake of my friend and also for the sake of my beloved college. Rather than paying someone to be the model, it is better to have a free service right? Little did I know, those pictures have become a controversy. Can u believe it? A real controversy. What the hell!

So the pic which has caused controversy is this one:

I was like, what?? What is wrong with my poses that they have to condemn me?? They were saying that my poses are way too much, over, blah blah blah... Are you kidding me?? Please, stop criticizing others. Talking bad about other people doesn't make you better. If you are way much better than me, then shouldn't you be there, instead of me? I helped my college, did you? You did nothing but criticizing people. I don't know how is it possible for you to be a Malaysian because as far as I know, rakyat Malaysia berbudi bahasa!

A note for those dummies:

First of all, you are supposed to look at the design of the batiks, not me, you silly!

Second of all, I am so gonna say out loud that MY POSES ARE NOT TOO MUCH. Try to compare my poses with the other models, aren't they all the same??

Thirdly, I did this for the sake of my institute. Kau ada?? Have you ever lend a hand each time our institute need you?

Fourthly, being a Muslim is not simply about your statuses in Facebook or pictures that you uploaded or clothes that you wore. Islam comes from your heart. When you love your God, you will practice what He teaches. And I believe He did not teach you to condemn others. Wearing a purdah doesn't make you a Muslim. No offense. Just as a reminder.

For the fifth, you should thank God I have deactivated my Facebook account, because If I haven't, you're dead man. Seriously.

O God, please make me strong. And please forgive all my evil thoughts as I'm writing this post, because I have forgive those who had condemned me through their Facebook account or their mouth or in their mind. Amen.