Why?

Sometimes I wonder,

Why is it hard to speak out the truth?

Why is it difficult to tell lies?

Why is it hard to understand others?

Why is it difficult to read what's in people's minds?

Shouldn't it be easy?

To say 'yes' when you want to say 'yes'?

To say 'no' when you want to say 'no'?

To say out what you want when you want to say it?

To lie to others just to please them?

Too bad,

it's not as simple as ABC,

not as simple as 123,

not as simple as you and me.

Why can't we make it simple?

Why can't we make it easy?

Why can't we live like how we want it to be?

Weird.

Is being a weird person wrong?

Is being different from others a sin?

If it is, then I am wrong and I have sinned against everyone.

Ahahahahaha

The thing is, I do what I do because I don't know what to do.

And I'm serious about it.

I just hope you will understand one day that there is this problem I have with myself which is confusion. I am a confused person. That is why I'm acting this way.

Please understand.

I need time.

I need to be alone.

And I need you to understand this:

I do what I do because I don't know what to do.

Sorry.

Her Diary.

She was devastated. She was alone this New Year Eve and she's always be. Thousands of people might be around her but she felt lonely. It was the same for her Christmas, or her birthday, or her big events. She at last accepted the fact that she was a loner. No matter how many people gathered around her, no matter how many parties he attended, they were just the same for her. She hated the fact that everyone is a good pretender. Putting their poker faces all time. She hated the fact that even her sisters acting like one.. Because she knew, the most hurtful thing she ever had was when her own sisters back-stabbed her. Why? Because her family is all she has got and when her own sisters tore her into pieces, she knew that she has no one left. Nobody but herself. Stood alone in the crossroads thinking of where to go, she prayed hard to God that He will not leave her alone..

She cried and cried, knowing there's nothing she could do. Her jar of heart was emptied without knowing the reason why or at least how it happened. She tried to stay away from those people, not because she hates them but because she's afraid. Afraid that they will leave her. Afraid that she will be alone not only mentally but also physically. She was not a good pretender. That was the reason why she left. She loves them so much that it killed her slowly day by day knowing that she has no one to lean on. No one.

Then, he lied her. The world seemed collapsed right at that moment. She wanted to share to at least someone, but does she have anyone else left to talk to? God, of course. And He answered her prayer with rain. Heavy rain that falls down every time she felt sad. It made December a rainy day because she couldn't stop herself from crying in her heart every single day.

She looked out the window pane, seeking for a rainbow after the heavy rain. But there was none. Her hope was gone.

She was hurt. She was bleeding. She said goodbye. A tear rolled down her pinkish cheek and she ...

*A story inspired by a little girl nicknamed Misz_Hell

Suicide.

Helpless?

Couldn't afford to live in this world anymore?

Tired of all these games of life?

Sick of those poker faces?

Thinking of suicide?

Answer these questions before you take a gun and shoot yourself.

1. Have you made your dad proud of you that he will say 'No father will have a better daughter/son' to everyone after you're gone?

2. Have you done something to a stranger that he/she ever said that 'if everyone is the same as you, then our world will be a better place'?

3. Have you made your spouse laugh and cry because he/she loves you?

4. Have you forgiven everyone who had wronged you?

5. Have you apologized to those you had wronged?

6. Have anyone said that 'I don't know what I'm gonna do if you're not here' to you?

7. Have you written a story of your own life?

8. Have you found someone that you really love and care about that there's nothing more you could ask in your life?

9. Will the world say, 'we've lost someone great today' on the day you were buried?

10. Are you ready to go to HELL?

If the answer is NO, then you don't DESERVE to die YET until my Father said so.

You get me??

So you better put your gun down and start living a healthy life. Life won't treat us good. That's why we have to make our best out of it.

Love yourself!

Nobody..

A week more before I leave here. Sad. Relieved. Heartbroken. Everything in one. Feel glad anyway, that I met my family. But honestly, I've only spent like few days with them after a month here? Why? Busy with other not-that-important thing. T_T

I fought with my sisters back few days before. Feeling so useless. I'm no one to them. I love them more than I love myself, but I guess love by one side alone means nothing. I thought, maybe next year I should just go back home few days before Christmas to avoid anything like this happen again. They don't need me as much as I need them anyway.

There are lots of question I wish I can ask God right now. Why am I so different with my other sisters? I am not as pretty as they are. Not as clever as they are. Not as kind as they are. Not as good as they are. I'm sucks in relationship. I'm no one. I'm nobody. I bring nothing to others' life. I hurt others without realizing how much I hurt them. I'm not good in making friends. I have no sense of humor like my sisters do. I don't understand my parents like they do. I know nobody's perfect, but does that mean I have to be lacked in everything? I shouldn't be left alive in the first place by God if this is what I should live. Anyway, I'm glad He loves me, I know He does.

Does He?.