April 13th

April 13th is my birthday. Not a good date people usually told me. And I have to admit that I actually believed it as well because a lot of terrible things will happen either on my birthday or the day before. I have lived with that kind of thinking for years now and never bother to think or even plan anything on my birthday because I know bad things will happen anyway.

However, this year I don't know what triggers me but I actually planned something. I want to have at least once a birthday celebration for myself. A good one. So I planned. And to be frank, I was really looking forward for my coming birthday. I took a risk. Unfortunately, as expected, things didn't go well. All the things I planned seems went way off board. Everything was fucked up. And another confession from me? Yes, I gave up.

But thinking of it again, I was like no. Not this time. Not this birthday. Not now. I'm not going to let my life controls me. I should be in control of my life. I'm gonna celebrate my birthday even if I were to celebrate it all by myself. I'm not going to just sit down and accept this so-called-fate. No, I'm not gonna to do that. I have enough celebrating Christmas by myself, New Year by myself, doing nothing but crying. No, I'm so not gonna do that. I'll not let a single tear fall off my cheek this time. I'm stronger now, aren't I? I'm not that little girl anymore that cried each time other people bully me. This time I'll stand up straight and tell those people to just fuck off. I have been living independently now and I don't see any reason why I should regret for deciding it that way. Condemn me as you like, disappoint me, leave me, whatever you like, do it. I dare you. I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS.

P/s: This post is written due to the stress and problems I'm having right now. Please do not be offended. I'm just writing this to let my feelings out in a healthy way. At least I don't go for suicide anymore, right? Ahahaha good day, mates! ^^