When Reality Strikes.

Being in a relationship is always about give and take. You can't let only one person giving while the other only receiving. It has to be from both sides. Especially when it comes to a couple that are both from different culture, different upbringing. The challenges are far greater. The 'give and take' situations are far more extreme than the couples who are from the same circle, same culture, same faith and same upbringing.

I, have always wanted to have a family of my own. I believe all of us do. But the difference is that I wanted a family that consists of different cultures. Intermarriage. I myself is a product of mix marriage and though I find it difficult as I can't find that one group of which I can be really accepted for who I am, I still find it great as I can socialize well with everybody. It's like I always have something to talk to with others and there is always something new to be learnt. Like I can go to my Chinese friends and start talking about the Chinese culture that we practice at home and those that we don't, or drinking traditional Kadazan drinks with my fellow Sabahans, and even sharing recipes with my Filipino friends. With a bit of blood from here and there, I get to learn many things as a start. Not to mention about my curiosity that I also started to learn other languages and cultures as well. So I see the advantages there and I want to have that in my family as well. But you see, it is never easy. To find someone who is looking for the same thing like you do. Damn, it's difficult. That's why, I guess, all of my ex-boyfriends are of different races though most of them share the same culture as mine since we are all Malaysians.

However, as mentioned earlier, relationship is about give and take. So recently another argument arises in my relationship. He, being someone who is of a different race, finds it very difficult to accept my culture though I have already sacrificed a lot from my side. It is so dissapointing because it seemed that he is trying to change me into someone that completely practices his culture when I myself have my own culture that I wish to preserve. If I were to sacrifice a lot, of course I still hope to keep at least a little bit of my culture as my identity. However, he could not understand this part and I can't expect him to understand as well. I mean, maybe we wanted different thing, and I just can't force him to want the same thing like I do.

Sigh.. Looking for a companion for a lifetime isn't easy. Sometimes you just feel like you found the one but as time goes you realized that it's not happening. Sad, isn't it? Last-last, terpaksa juga cari orang sendiri. Sebab diorang ja akan faham cara hidup kita, cara kita dibesarkan. Nda payah pening pasal give and take. Hmm..