Eat to live or live to eat?

Since I was a little girl, my hero which is my dad, always tell me that life isn't a real life when you didn't taste all the food available. You live to eat. Whack every single food that you can have and enjoy it. So I enjoy my life with my amazing eating habit. Thank God, my metabolism rate is quite high so I didn't put on weight that much even with my tremendously amazing eating habit. Each time I see something that looks yummy, I couldn't help myself but to buy it and taste it. When I am happy, I'll eat. When I'm sad, I'll eat. I just couldn't stop myself from eating. High-class food especially, gives me the best satisfaction I can ever get.

Suddenly this year, life has to change. No more angel's food - well, that's what my friends call the expensive food since they are very pricey, no more satisfaction feeling, no more heaven in Earth. Why? Because no more people for me to depend on. I'm on my own. Every penny means a lot for me. I couldn't ask my family to help me already because of the misunderstanding the other day. Calling home asking for money simply means, I'm a spoil brat that knows nothing but asking for help. I'm a grown-up girl. In fact, in my age, I should have pay everything with my own money. I should be ashamed of myself!! Sob sob sob..

And so, I decided to save. Really really save. I'm not joking when I said that. I struggled like in hell at first. Giving up Kenny Rogers, Secret Recipe, Big Apple, and every nice restaurant just makes me crazy, dude! I even give up my meals everyday, from three main meals into only a meal. And that only meal has only rice + vegetable. Amazing, huh? How a 'foodaholic' can give up so many food. I must say, it's not easy. Some days, I just couldn't stand. Looking at the fried chicken (still hot), ice-cream people are eating when it's a sunny day, cold drinks, snacks, ouch! It hurts a lot even to think of it! But taking it as a positive side, I'm not only saving a lot, but also having a healthy diet. I don't like vegetables since I was kid, but now I took it as my daily food. I love ice-cream, but now I eat in once in a while (maybe once or twice in a month). Even though I'm having quite a tough life, but life is not a life until it gives u a piece of shit right? ^^

Now, I'm losing my weight. Everybody is telling me so but I don't really believe it cause I don't feel any changes within myself. Until today, a friend of mine whom I haven't meet for few months came and see me. He told me how thin I am that he almost can't recognized me. Wow! I must look like a skeleton now. HAHA

But I am glad I am now healthy. MUCH MORE HEALTHY. I was so sad when I fought with my sisters but now I feel much more relieved. If I didn't argue with them, I don't think I'll be standing on my own feet right now. Thanks to them.

I used to stand on this philosophy : live to eat. But now? I eat to live. Oh yeah!! :D

Should women be confined to the kitchen like they used to be?

Sensitive topic, huh?

That's what my lecturer asks us. Then all the girls in my class start telling him that it's impossible. As women, they want freedom. They want to go out and work. They can be the breadwinner too. Speaking of equality between the sex. Male and female.

Me? I know this sound stupid. But honestly, I would say that I'd rather stay at home, waiting for my loved ones to come back home. Isn't that the happiest thing in your life? Cook for him with a happy feeling, thinking whether he'll like what you've cooked, wait for him to come home, thinking whether he is tired and need to be massaged, sing for him to make him feel better when he is down, tell him everyday before he leaves to work that you love him so much, and gives him the true love's kiss before he goes to bed. If you are working too, do you seriously think that you will have time for all of these? I don't think so. You'll feel tired for these, don't even have a time to give each other a slight kiss on the cheek, or maybe forehead, or even the lips.

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Re-BORN ?

Am I? I don't think so.. I am the old me, just like how and who I used to be. I'm back to Ipoh ~ my boring and stressful life I would say. Still, for coming holidays, I don't think I'm going back to Sabah. My heart is there but then it just ain't the same. I don't feel the same back there. I used to feel loved, feel needed, feel secured back with my family. Now, things have change. Well, people change as time goes on, right?

Nobody..

A week more before I leave here. Sad. Relieved. Heartbroken. Everything in one. Feel glad anyway, that I met my family. But honestly, I've only spent like few days with them after a month here? Why? Busy with other not-that-important thing. T_T

I fought with my sisters back few days before. Feeling so useless. I'm no one to them. I love them more than I love myself, but I guess love by one side alone means nothing. I thought, maybe next year I should just go back home few days before Christmas to avoid anything like this happen again. They don't need me as much as I need them anyway.

There are lots of question I wish I can ask God right now. Why am I so different with my other sisters? I am not as pretty as they are. Not as clever as they are. Not as kind as they are. Not as good as they are. I'm sucks in relationship. I'm no one. I'm nobody. I bring nothing to others' life. I hurt others without realizing how much I hurt them. I'm not good in making friends. I have no sense of humor like my sisters do. I don't understand my parents like they do. I know nobody's perfect, but does that mean I have to be lacked in everything? I shouldn't be left alive in the first place by God if this is what I should live. Anyway, I'm glad He loves me, I know He does.

Does He?.

December!

Oh My Goodnesssssss !!
It's December, the month of Christmas! Can't believe it's already December. Time flies, huh? :D

I'm now having a great holiday with my family and my son, Hideaki. Also busy with my business, christmas cookies.. ehehe I've been doing this for 3 years including 2010. Amazing, huh? It's about passion, babeh! (and of course a lil bit because of the wants of making money!) ahahahaha

I even created a website for my cookies that I'm selling.. Well, we have to do what we can to grab customers, don't we? That's what we call business. U don't have customers, u won't make money. Useless.

Anyway, even though I am already extremely busy baking cookies, I've no idea why am I still involved with few useless events. Performing for sports day? Giving speech for telecommunication event? Sigh. Life is not a life when it gives you none, right? T.T