Demanding?

It all started when ... chewahhhh. Sounded like the beginning of a fairy tale. Ahahaha okay, let's get back to the story. A few days ago, I went out with a friend of mine for supper. Then all of a sudden, he asked me what happened between me and my ex. For me, my usual answer is 'we didn't suit each other', 'we don't understand each other' or 'God has better plans for us'. But for him, that answer was just not enough. So he insisted to hear the reason. The 'real reason' according to him. He wanted the details. He wanted to know. So I said, 'I expected too much, I think'. Then he said 'I know what's the problem. You're too demanding'.

Whatdafak?? Ahahahaha

Okay, for me, the things I asked were simple. I just wanted to be cared about. To be loved. I want to feel those feelings. I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship if you don't feel the love or care? Better off alone, no? So when he said I was being too demanding, I was stunned. I thought to myself, was I?

Then a few days after, another person gave another point of view. He said, if someone really loves someone, he/she will go extra miles because it is nothing to compare to her/his love towards that someone. I had to agree on that. I'm the kind of person who will do anything for my love. Even if it means losing something, you know? It's what we call sacrifice. That's love. So if you're not ready to sacrifice for someone, that means you just don't love them enough. And love, it isn't necessarily for your only spouse. It is for everyone. It is for your neighbour, your friends and even for strangers.

In a love relationship, especially, if you're not ready to sacrifice, then you're not ready to have a life partner. And of course both parties have to do the same. I mean, it's give and take, no? However, it is also all about communication skill - to discuss what's best for each other. And back to my past relationship, I guess the main problem was miscommunication.

Just another one more piece of advice to the women out there. If someone says you're too demanding, don't be down. That just means you are a class of your own. Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely. You don't have to lower your expectation just because the men are too lazy to go for extra miles for you. Those men? They settle for cheap girls. So don't give a damn. Waitttttt, this piece of advice sounded more like it's for me. Ahahahahaha I was talking to myself, actually. :D

YouTube videos!

I have actually made some covers for songs on YouTube since last April. I wasn't that active to compare to the other YouTubers. For now, I only have about five videos by myself while the rest were uploaded by others when I performed somewhere else. So I'd like to share with all of you my songs cover.

This is my first cover. 'The Cup Song', by Anna Kendricks.

This is my second cover. An Indonesian song. I changed the lyrics to reply to the male singer. :)

Singing with my friends and family.

A few more but I don't know why can't I link it here. So if you wanna view the rest, you can just type my name - Lala Koh on the YouTube search and you will find me. Do leave your comments, okay? ^^

Adventure!

I have not been able to fill my life with adventurous things recently. My life was not dull, but not adventurous either. After being single again, I decided to fill my life with more adventurous things like I used to. As I told earlier in my previous entries, I registered myself for Ipoh Cycling Fun Ride which the total of distance for the two-days event is 90 kilometers. Maybe for some it is not adventurous. But for me, IT IS. Why? Because I don't cycle much. The last time I cycled was a year ago, and even that was not a serious one. I just cycled to go to work. It was only 10 kilometers per day. So this fun ride is huge. It's my first time cycling with other cyclists and for a long distance. Can I make it? I'm anxious yet excited. Ahahahaha

The next adventurous thing I'm going to do is travel to another country. I wanted to travel last year so I made my passport but never got the chance to. Since I have a week holiday on September, I decided to go to Krabi with my cousin. We are flying to Krabi from Kuala Lumpur and go back from Hat Yai by train. This is my first time travelling to another country so, YES, it is adventurous for me. It is just a relaxing trip because we are just going to chill at the beach and maybe some shopping at Hat Yai. Hope that everything's gonna be alright! Finger crossed!

Now, this one is another big adventurous thing for me. Ahahahaha I have climbed Mount Kinabalu before, about 9 years ago. Around that time, selfie was not that popular, or even taking pics. Maybe for you it is, but not for me. So there was only one pic of me at the peak of Mt Kinabalu and I don't even know where the hell is my climbing certificate. Some of my families did not have the chance to climb the mountain so we planned to go all together. The more, the merrier right? However, due to the time constraint, the plan did not go well since last year. So I decided to handle the planning since everybody else is busy (as if I have nothing to do). I mean, somebody has to step up to make this thing works. If we keep on waiting for each other to do something, then it will only be like waiting for money to fall down from the sky to me. So yesterday I made some calls and in the end found someone who can arrange it for me. However, I was told that the booking for next year has not opened yet but she will inform me as soon as the booking is made available. I told her the date I wanted and I felt relieved because now I know that we'll be climbing next year. However, I am not a patient woman, if you must know. If I want something, I want it straight away. Ahahahaha I know that is not a good trait but I have to admit, it's one of my weaknesses but sometimes it can be my strength too. Then I asked the lady if there is any empty slots for this year. Surprisingly, there is! She said she can't fit a large group but a single slot is possible. I didn't waste my chance and I said yes right there, right then! Ahahaha now don't get me wrong. I didn't ditch my families. I'll be climbing this Dec as well as next year June. Amazing right?? Ahahaha then she told me that turned out there are another two empty slots so I asked my younger sis and younger bro to come along and they, of course, are excited to join too! Can't wait for these amazing things to happen! :D

Desperado.

After the breakup (again this topic. Sorry, peeps ahahaha), there were lots of attention given to me especially from the guys. At first, I was honored. Ahahaha  I mean, I have already forgotten that feeling of being flirted much because honestly, I don't usually stay single for long, and I AM NOT PROUD of that. After posting a lot of sad statuses regarding relationships on Facebook, it only took a few days after the breakup for the guys to take the hints that I am single and they started to get into the line. Like I said, at first I was honored. However, after a few days, I was annoyed. I mean, do I look that desperate to look for a relationship? Please. I also need time for myself. Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Whatsapp, SMS, phone call - all means of communication were used to reach me. I felt so stressed out. It's like I don't have time for myself. When I don't reply, they'll keep haunting me with messages by messages until I reply. Can you believe that? Okay, I'm not trying to boast here. I'm not saying I'm pretty or cute or anything. It's just that I know very well. A girl with a broken heart usually means one thing for guys; they thought this girl is weak so it's gonna be easy for them to do anything to this girl. So listen out girls, we don't need men to stand up. All we need is time to heal and when the right time comes, the right man will appear. Don't rush. That's what I did in my previous relationships and look where has it gotten me? You better trust me.

And also I am not ready to be in relationships yet. Especially a serious one. I don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone else. I've had enough. My dad also likes to remind me every now and then; to not start any relationship until I have my own career. Ahahaha it's funny though. This is the first time in my whole life that he calls a lot. Before this, he'll be like calling me maybe once a month or every other months, but lately it was more frequently. Maybe he knows how affected I was with my recent breakup and he wants to make sure his baby girl will not be hurt badly like she is right now. There's always a silver lining in every cloud, ey?

I remembered the last time I came back home single, the aunts were so excited to introduce their sons and nephews and cousins and uncles to me. To the extent that one of them called my dad to ask whether it is possible to just arrange a marriage between me and her son. Can you believe that? Ahahaha so this time I don't think I should go back early to my hometown for my end of sem break. I'll find something else to do and got back to my hometown right before Christmas. However, this is just my early plans. I told my dad about it and he wasn't that keen of that. Of course, what father will be? He keeps telling me to go back soon and I keep telling him to come down here instead. Ahahahaha don't judge me. I miss him too. If possible I want to be with him all the time. I even followed him to work sometimes! Ahahaha and the people who work with him will talk a lot about how he talked a lot about me. Though most of the things I find embarrassing, I also felt happy because that means he thought a lot about me though we didn't talk much. I remembered sending him letters every now and then. Maybe I should send him another one soon. :)

I remembered last time when I had a huge fight with my sisters, my dad was the one who comforted me (all he did was listened to my cry actually but it was more than enough). I remembered when he called me and said, 'I know I shouldn't say this but out of all my daughters, I love you the most'. I remembered when we sat down drinking and talked about life. I remembered how he criticized me in front of me but complimented me in front of others. I am proud of having a father like him. He accepts my flaws, believes in me, has faith on me, he is just my everything. In the past, I believe, among all of his children I was the one with so much trouble (maybe even until now) and I hated him (because I never understood his love), we even argued once to the extent that I ignored him for almost half a year (I was terrible), but now I am the closest with him and I treasure our relationship. I love you, Mr Koh Eng Chuan. :)

A Dream to Remember.

Haven't had any dreams lately, especially regarding my ex-fiance. Well, I am not someone who dream a lot. Usually my sleep is only accompanied by blank, black vision. So, when I dream, about something or anything, I can usually remember well and think a lot about it. Ahahaha (like those dreams I shared in my previous entries)

So only a few mins ago I was taking my nap when I dreamt about getting back together with my ex-fiance. Odd enough, we were on the phone talking like usual but still it was quite awkward because we sounded like we're trying to do it. It didn't sound natural, you see. But I was happy. I mean, at least we tried. Then, I asked him what was he doing? He said he was watching a movie but when I asked with who, he was silent for a little while and started mumbling. You see, while we were together back then, he cheated me twice. The first one was the first few months when we were together. I was taking care of him because he was badly injured after his game to the extent that he almost couldn't walk. I bathed him, helped him to walk, prepared him meal so that he didn't have to go out, cleaned up his room- all of that while I was having my exam. Then one day somebody called him up and I saw the panic in his eyes. He hid under the blanket (because he couldn't walk out to answer the fucking phone) and shush-ed me. He talked slowly and I knew right away it was a woman, calling him. After he hung up, I asked him who was on the phone. He was mumbling and I was like, it's okay. Give him some time. Then, few hours after that, I started questioning again. But this time I was not giving in. He, at last, admitted that he was seeing that girl. Okay, I am getting emotional here. Let's not go that far. All you have to know is that I was stupid and blind back then. So lets continue with the dream. Ahahahaha

So I saw the signs. The 'cheating signs'. I was so pissed and cried. He mocked me crying and said mean things to me. Again. I mean, he did that in real life and now he is doing that in my dream too? Helllll, nooooooooo!! Ahahahahaha surprisingly, I stopped crying. Usually in reality, I will hung up on him without thinking. But just now, in my dream? Before I hung up, I actually thought to myself, 'Lala, if you hung up, no more calling. No more embarassing yourself. You understand?' And only after that, I hung up and I woke up. An inspiring dream, don't you think? I'm proud of myself. Ahahahahaha

Maybe this is a sign to let go of everything. It's time to move on. It's been only a month but I was doing surprisingly well. I guess it's mainly because we both know that we are not ready for marriage. Or maybe I am mature enough to handle breakup? Ahahaha Mature sangattttt :D