Speechless.

I lost my faith,

I lost my hope,

I lost my love,

I lost everything in JULY.

Well, that's what I thought. Until one by one angel came and visited me in very unique ways. Here, I would like to thank everyone for keeping a little faith in me, for helping me in every single way, I appreciated it much. You, you, you and you. Thanks a lot.

I'm sorry for keeps on being a burden.

I'm sorry for being a weak person.

I'm sorry for doing things imperfectly.

I'm sorry for showing you my sad  face everyday.

I'm sorry for borrowing your shoulder when I feel like crying.

I'm sorry for being selfish in making decision.

I'm sorry for everything.

And when I say everything, I MEAN IT.

Just so you know,

I tried to stand up on my own feet,

I tried to be strong,

I tried to do things perfectly,

I tried to put a smile on my face,

I tried not to cry,

I tried to make decision as equal as possible,

I tried..

Thanks to everyone who cares about me.

God, family, lecturers, friends, everyone.

You guys mean a lot to me.

P/S: I love you, you, you, and yeah you.

:)

Random Stuff About Me

First Of All What Is Your Name?	Lydrielyn Koh (Not everyone knows that)
What time is it right now?	4:23 pm
Have you ever ripped a Barbies head off?	Why would I?? That's like the meanest thing to do!
Have you ever witnessed someone die?	No, never. Don't even want to.
Do you find Marilyn Manson sexy?	Define sexy. Ahahaha
What is your principals name?	Principal? Don't have one.
Do you like ketchup?	A big NO.
Would you lick queen Elizabeths foot for $10,000?	Why not? I bet her foot does never touch the floor. Ahahaha
Ever been in a car accident?	Car? Hmm.. as long as I remember, no.
Does death excite you?	Hell, no!
How many kids do you have?	One. :)
Does one of your kids happen to be named Betty-Gladys Jr?	No! Ahahaha
Do you enjoy pain?	My goodness! NO!
You ever stabbed someone?	Wish I have the guts to.
Ever been addicted to a prescription drug?	Codeine? Yeah.
How many toes do you have?	Ahahaha do I really need to answer?
How often do you shave?	Which part? Ehehehe
Are you having fun doing this survey?	Yeah, tons of fun!
Have you ever counted how many teeth you have?	Never. Ahahaha
Take a wild guess. How many hairs are on your head?	Hmmm.... a lot?
Hitler is..	a girl. HAHA
Are you double jointed anywhere?	No, but wish I am. Can be more flexible. ^^
Do you like sushi?	Yeah, quite.
Do you have an iPod?	No.....
If yes, what type?
Do you shower or bathe everyday.	Of course! Malaysia is a hot country dude!
Where do you live	Malaysia?
What would you do if I said I loved you?	First of all, who is 'I'? Ahahaha
Do you know who Chris Crocker is?	Ermmmmm......(thinking real hard)....
Oprah is...Amazing! She's like an angel sent from heaven. If I were given a chance to meet her, I'll do anything man. Anything... I posted this for the sake of having fun. Tried '100 Truths' before. How about you? :)

July.

10 Reasons to Hate July:

1. My family came this month to pay me a visit. We had fun in Malacca. I extended my holiday so that I can join them to Genting Highlands, but it turned out that the tickets were all sold out. Since they bought the ticket earlier, they went. I was left alone.

2. We performed for Malam Gema Budaya. Everything went smoothly until the time for us to perform. I don't know what the hell was wrong with the technician but the music started earlier, we got panic and the steps were all over the places.

3. My lecturer asked me to handle a performance for a retirement event. I was so busy with few other performances and just don't have the time to handle it. I know I should've said 'No' to my lecturer but don't you know that the word 'NO' is the hardest thing to say? The performance was fine said them but being me, I know there's just something missing in it. Sorry guys, my bad. :(

4. I was helping out my other lecturer for a booth on our English carnival. I tried my very best to make it okay but it just won't do. I spent about a day to at least make it something unforgettable, something awesome, something PERFECT. But I just couldn't. It turned out  to be something simple and ordinary. Again, sorry everyone. T.T

5. I have a lot to pay this month and in just a blink of an eye, I was broke. Trainee teachers' camp, LCD projector, trip to Teluk Senangin, my toiletries, license, hockey stick, class fund, institute's Batik, etc..... OMG, I wonder how am I going to live after this with only few ringgit left in my wallet. =.="

6. I borrowed my bestie's camera the other day when I went out with my family. After that, kept it in my locker. Recently, we went to Teluk Senangin and I found the camera was missing. My goodness!!!!!! How I hate JULY!!!!! Sorry, Dette... I'll replace it as soon as possible....

7. Trip to Teluk Senangin was a disaster. Well of course we had fun but other than that, stayed in a stupid motel called KAMILA, met that motel's arrogant owner, ate at a restaurant full with flies. Shit. We're totally fucked up.

8. Because of two laptops were missing in the hostel, all the girls were gathered and scolded by the 'prefect'. They were shouting and yelling as if we all did it. As if we couldn't hear them. As if we are 6-year-old kids. As if the person who stole it will stood up and said 'yeah, I did it'. As if we couldn't understand them. Of course not all of the prefects did so but one of them (I don't know his name) acted too much. If  I were the one who stole that laptops, I wouldn't keep it that long. I'll straight away sell it the day I stole it. What's the point of doing spot-check when the laptops had been stolen for like few days ago? Of course I am sorry for the two girls who lost their laptops but the prefects' action was too late. Should have done it earlier.

9. My classmates got into a fight. It's a small matter at first but they didn't solve it properly so it turned out to be a big matter. Well, shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill right? I cried. We are all so close together. Why can this happened?..

10. My bestie's bought a phone online worth quite a price and the stupid guy who 'sell' it didn't post it to her. So people, never buy things from mudah.com.my. Don't trust them. Never. Poor on Dette. I'll try to get my lawyer's advice on this okay? We can't just let him go.

 To that stupid fellow: watch out. You'll be dead soon. Every parts of your body will be cut off. Separated into 10 parts. While cutting it into 10 different parts, I'll make sure you are still in your sense. To feel how much does it hurts each time you lie to others. I don't know how many times you have been doing this but trust me, you'll regret it. Your eye balls will be scooped out and your tongue will be cut slowly. Your penis will be burnt. After that, I'll let you live. How are you  going to live next? Up to you, you moron.

Good girl gone bad?

What should a teacher looks like? Just because she is a teacher, you expect perfectness in her, is it? :)

Let me put it this way: I agree, I am a future teacher. I agree I have to change myself before I can change my students. But please, does wearing shorts make someone a slut? Does having a tattoo make someone a gangster? Does giving a smile to everyone, be it a cleaner or a bus driver make someone a bitch? Does taking alcoholic drinks make someone a bad person?

I wear shorts because we are in Malaysia. The temperature is quite hot especially now when the weather is terribly hot. You may doubt. You may say that you can stand the heat so why not me? That's not how it works. Don't you learn science? Human's body work differently on different people. They aren't the same. That's why there are differences between human. You can eat chilli, but why can't the others? You can run the fastest, why the others run slower? See my point? Exactly.

I have a tattoo, so what? You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through. By having this tattoo, it gives me strength. It's a symbol of my religion. FOR ME. If you don't agree with me, then fuck off. I didn't ask for your opinion.

I give a smile to almost everyone I pass by. Why? Isn't it great to start your day with a smile. Maybe you don't feel that way but I do. It makes my day. Be it gardener, cleaner, clerk, lecturer, or even a stranger. I just smile. It's free anyway. I'm  poor. That's the least I can give to people around me.

I take alcoholic drinks. Beer, wine, liquor, tapai, lihing, everything. So what's the big deal? It's just something usual for us, Kadazan in Sabah. Did I take your money to get those drinks? Did I got drunk that I harm you in any way? Did I? I didn't! So why do you have to take care of my business? I drink with my dad and you the one who complain? Please-lah!

You keep telling me this and that. This is wrong, that is bad. You said as a future teacher, I shouldn't do those things. Hey, I harm no one as far as I know by living this lifestyle. In fact, I'm doing pretty good with my life. And you? Have you ever thought of your own life? Are you living a good one?

With that, I rest my case.

Trip with My Classmates!

Last week was 'awesome'. My class (K11) together with another TESL class (K10) went to Teluk Senangin for a trip. It was supposedly be a trip where all of us should relax and have a good time with each other, spend more time to know each other better, especially with our tutor. It turned out to be a disaster. An awesome disaster. Ahahahaha

Here's the plan:

We are goin' there, stay in a motel, have barbeque, reflection session with our tutor and just have fun. Enjoy.

Then it turned out to be this way:

We went there, found out that we had to stay in a dorm (which is not as private as in motel), that dorm was terrible -- the beds were full with dust and the room itself was fuckin' dusty, no shower room so everybody bathed in the toilet, short circuit each time you on the fan, no water the next morning -- , the place where we ate was full with flies -- the flies population are thousands times more than the people who stayed in Teluk Senangin -- , in conclusion : we fucked.

My advice: Never stay at KAMILA MOTEL. They are rude. Their excuse for treating us that way is : "you pay so little and yet you expect us to treat you like in a 5-star hotel". Eh, hello! First of all, we didn't ask you much. We ask the technician to come and repair the circuit because how do you expect your customer to sleep without fan? We ask you to add more food because we paid for 53 people but you gave some of our food to the politician who happened to be there that weekend? We ask you to fix the water tap because there was no water! Is that what you call a 5-star hotel request? I would say that was just the MOST BASIC THING A CUSTOMER WOULD ASK.

But I wouldn't blame that not-so-clever motel. There's another story behind it involving some things that just can't be mentioned. :)

So whoever wants to go to Teluk Senangin, better not to. I would never ever come there ever again. Such a waste of my time. Even if you want to go, don't NEVER stay at KAMILA MOTEL.

But then, our objectives; to be closer to each other and to restart any bad things between us were achieved. So it's okay. At least we had a good time and enjoyed our fun activities (playing on the beach) much. :)

Now I am thinking of goin' to Mt. Kinabalu. I've climbed once when I was in Form2 but took no picture. Only a certificate to certified that I've been on the peak. So, me and some classmates are planning to save money every month till we reach our budget - RM1000 per person. Oh yeah! :)

Conflict

Okay, so this is one of the topic that we learnt in Social Study subject. One of the subtopic is on how to resolve our conflict. Surprisingly, one of the way is avoidance - to avoid our own conflict. Like let's say, you have a conflict with someone, and both of you avoid from talking about the conflict that both of you are having. So each time the both of you meet, you will talk about everything except for the conflict's matter. Funny, don't you think? How do you expect to solve the conflict by avoiding it?

Since I am the type of people that will raise up my opinion when I am disagree on something, so I stood up for my opinion today. I asked my lecturer, "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid I can't really agree with that statement. Avoiding your own conflict just doesn't seem right." So, he told me that sometimes we just can't solve things or make them right again. Let bygone be bygone. He said, "yang dah tu, dah la." But how to let it go if you avoid it?

I have this conflict with someone, let's call that someone A, where A tried the best to avoid me. I tried to do the same but personally, it affected me. I'm not a simple person who forgets everything just like that without discussing it. So I took my own initiative by finding A and talked. We discussed and everything went well. A said that by avoiding me, A thought everything will go smoothly. Well, maybe for A, but not for me. I need to make everything clear before I start a new chapter.

Sometimes, ways to solve conflicts are just not the same for everybody. :)

Friendship or love?

I am not gonna talk about who should you pick - whether your friends or your loved ones. That topic has been discussed by almost everyone. The real question is actually: can you differentiate between friendship and love? I tell you, that question looks simple but you can never really have the answer for it. Unbelievable? Believe it.

That's why word like scandal exists. You said you are friends, yet you are having some kind of feeling -- which you can't describe -- towards him or her. I'm not admitting something here, but I knew people that have this kind of feeling and I just don't know what to tell them when they ask me about my opinion. When they ask me, "Lala, do you think I've fallen for my bestfriend?" or "Lala, I think my friend is into me, what should I do?" or "Lala, what if me and my bestfriend got together and things turned out to be not that well, which lead to friendship destruction?"

What am I supposed to answer when I can't even differentiate between love and friendship?

Truth be told, there is a thin line that differentiate friendship from love. You might misunderstand your friendship as love or your love as friendship. You thought you are in love when you start to concern about someone when actually its just a friend who is concern about his or her friend. You thought that he or she is your bestfriend when in fact you are in love with him or her. Getting complicated, isn't it? Told you so. I once thought that 'he' is my bestfriend, that I love him as a friend. Too late to realize, after he's gone, I know I'm in love with him. Well, I can hear a sound of regret in that sentence myself. Ahahaha

Another story is that, I thought I was in love, but I was wrong. Taking last experience as a lesson, I took a step forward but then realized that he was not the one for me. The past is deep. :)

So YOU tell me: what is love, what is friendship?

Lesson.

I learnt quite a lesson today. :)

Let me tell you from the beginning. After the performance (Malam Gema Budaya), my hair was badly damaged and I look like a mad woman. Seriously. So I was thinking of going to salon the next day which is Saturday. Due to extreme tiredness, I couldn't get off my bed until the evening so it was quite late already to go to salon. So I planned to go on Sunday. Which means, I won't be able to go to church and I picked to go to SALON instead of going to CHURCH. (I know how stupid it sounded)

But then, an angel call Dominic (our Christian Fellowship's President) suddenly passed by me that Saturday night. Our conversation began:

Dom: G church esok c? (Are you going to church tomorrow?)

Me: em..... g..... knk? (I'm going. Why?)

Dom: C, ada sorg budak junior L ya mok join. Ny anglikan juak. Ktk ngan jeremy jak anglikan so ktk la mbk ny esok. (Nothing, there's a junior from L unit want to come with you. He's Anglican so since you and Jeremy are the only students from Anglican, you guys should bring him along tomorrow.)

Me: Ok, c hal. Lak mek cntact ny. (Okay, sure. I'll contact him later.)

So I changed my plan -- from going to Salon, to going to church -- with a super-damn-heavy heart. It's like I'm going to church just because I have to. It was Sunday. And amazingly the Father of the church talked about something which really hit me.

"As human, we always forget Him. We put our wants first rather than our need -- which is our God. Some people even went to church for only three times in their whole life -- when they HATCHED (after they were born-baptized), when they were MATCHED (they got married), and when they DISPATCHED (they were dead)."

I was speechless. Thank God, He sent me an angel to bring me back to Him. I am so sorry, Lord Jesus. :(

Malam Gema Budaya

Last week my time was occupied with my family. This week I was busy with dance performance for Malam Gema Budaya. I was in the Sarawakian dance performance and 1 Malaysia too. I wore Iban costume. :)

My great friend - Bernadette and I :)

Me and my nice friend - Yuan

Me and my trainer - Donald

We rock that night! Ahahaha

Lot of pictures taken by my friends so I don't have the copies yet. Guess they are busy uploading it on Facebook. Anyway, Donald did a great job! :)

Trip with My Family!

It's been long since I updated my blog. I've been busy with some performances and also with my family trip! It was great. They came here last week; my dad, my mom, my sister and her husband, and they brought along my son. :)

They were here for about a week and I managed to spend about 4-5 days with them. We went around KL, Malacca, and Pahang. I enjoyed it much. Took a lot of pictures but only managed to let you see some because most pictures were taken using my sister's camera.

My dad and I :)

This picture was taken on the first day I came down to KL. The first question my dad asked when he first saw me was, "wanna have a drink tonight?". Haha

Don't misunderstand, my family takes alcoholic drinks when we are happy, celebrating something or in some special events. Me and my dad sometimes drink beer and talk about stuffs, discuss things, taking it in a very matured way, I would say. We'll just drink and talk as adults.

Me and my son

Look how happy he is. Wish I can keep that smile as it makes my day. :)

People says that he really has the Chinese-looks. Must be from his grandfather. Haha

Except for his eyelashes, it's long like mine. It is weird if you look closely to his eyes since he has that Chinese eyes but with long eyelashes. Ahahaha

Again with my dad :)

We don't look like father and daughter, do we? Ahahaha

Not even close. We look very different. I wonder, am I adopted? Ahahaha kidding.

Me and some friends

My dad, my mom, and my sis

Me, my dad and my mom

Missing them already!! :D