I've just received a very incomprehensible news to my mind few days before. And I have to admit that I'm still in the state of shocked. Fuhh!
My cousin converted into a Muslim, she's married and she has a baby now!! I can't believe she's having her own family earlier than me! Ahahahaha I was a bit frustrated though. I mean I have lots of friends that are married now and I've never been invited to any of it. Maybe because most of them are married 'unexpectedly' so maybe they were not that proud to invite me but hey, I don't judge. Whatever happens, they are still my friends, my families. I'll always be happy for whatever they decide. It's their life anyway. I just want to be there and celebrate their happy day with them. :(
However, I won't take this to heart. I mean what's past is past, right? Right now, I just want to celebrate their new family! ^^
Truth be told, this time the story of my cousin is different from the rest of my friends' stories. Because this time, it involves religion. You see, religion is a very sensitive issue. I mean, most of the wars are caused by religions, is not it? It is sad how religions can break men apart. I'm sorry I just have to say this. So the same goes to my cousin. I guess her decision has break her family apart, or to be precise her own self. She has to face everything all by herself. If I had known earlier, I'll try my best to be there for her. But maybe she's afraid to be judged, to be pushed away, to be left out.. I totally understand how she feels. I used to be in her shoes. So I don't blame her to not tell me everything. It just crushed my heart to know this thing is happening to her and she has no one else to talk to about her feelings. I thank God she's a fighter. Because if she's not, I might have lost a friend, a cousin, a sister.
You see, I did say in one of my posts that everybody else might leave you, but never your family and God. Whatever happens, your family and your God will always be there for you. So you know you're so dead if your family walks out of your life and you just lost your faith in God. I know that because I was there. And I know, that's what my cousin is feeling right now. I tell you, that feeling can put someone into a very devastating condition. That feeling is so evil, it can take one's life away. I know it very well. It almost took my life away too. Right now, all I can do is to pray hard that she can survive this, that she will survive this, like I did. Dear cousin, please be strong. I know you can do this.. :')
So next month, I'm going to pay her a visit. By hook or by crook. I NEED to visit her. Talking to her for a while just now make me feel better. I know she's trying her best to cope up with life. And I know she can do this. However, it also made me realize something. Have I really passed this stage? Or am I trying to seek my strength in her because I'm still stuck in that feeling? I don't know. I really don't. And right now I really want to talk to someone, to share about how I feel inside but like usual nobody is there. Everybody is busy with their life and I have no right to take their time for my sake.
Currently listening to Jayesslee's song - Failure in Disguise
Note to her and to self: Just don't give up. :(
