Desperado.

After the breakup (again this topic. Sorry, peeps ahahaha), there were lots of attention given to me especially from the guys. At first, I was honored. Ahahaha  I mean, I have already forgotten that feeling of being flirted much because honestly, I don't usually stay single for long, and I AM NOT PROUD of that. After posting a lot of sad statuses regarding relationships on Facebook, it only took a few days after the breakup for the guys to take the hints that I am single and they started to get into the line. Like I said, at first I was honored. However, after a few days, I was annoyed. I mean, do I look that desperate to look for a relationship? Please. I also need time for myself. Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Whatsapp, SMS, phone call - all means of communication were used to reach me. I felt so stressed out. It's like I don't have time for myself. When I don't reply, they'll keep haunting me with messages by messages until I reply. Can you believe that? Okay, I'm not trying to boast here. I'm not saying I'm pretty or cute or anything. It's just that I know very well. A girl with a broken heart usually means one thing for guys; they thought this girl is weak so it's gonna be easy for them to do anything to this girl. So listen out girls, we don't need men to stand up. All we need is time to heal and when the right time comes, the right man will appear. Don't rush. That's what I did in my previous relationships and look where has it gotten me? You better trust me.

And also I am not ready to be in relationships yet. Especially a serious one. I don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone else. I've had enough. My dad also likes to remind me every now and then; to not start any relationship until I have my own career. Ahahaha it's funny though. This is the first time in my whole life that he calls a lot. Before this, he'll be like calling me maybe once a month or every other months, but lately it was more frequently. Maybe he knows how affected I was with my recent breakup and he wants to make sure his baby girl will not be hurt badly like she is right now. There's always a silver lining in every cloud, ey?

I remembered the last time I came back home single, the aunts were so excited to introduce their sons and nephews and cousins and uncles to me. To the extent that one of them called my dad to ask whether it is possible to just arrange a marriage between me and her son. Can you believe that? Ahahaha so this time I don't think I should go back early to my hometown for my end of sem break. I'll find something else to do and got back to my hometown right before Christmas. However, this is just my early plans. I told my dad about it and he wasn't that keen of that. Of course, what father will be? He keeps telling me to go back soon and I keep telling him to come down here instead. Ahahahaha don't judge me. I miss him too. If possible I want to be with him all the time. I even followed him to work sometimes! Ahahaha and the people who work with him will talk a lot about how he talked a lot about me. Though most of the things I find embarrassing, I also felt happy because that means he thought a lot about me though we didn't talk much. I remembered sending him letters every now and then. Maybe I should send him another one soon. :)

I remembered last time when I had a huge fight with my sisters, my dad was the one who comforted me (all he did was listened to my cry actually but it was more than enough). I remembered when he called me and said, 'I know I shouldn't say this but out of all my daughters, I love you the most'. I remembered when we sat down drinking and talked about life. I remembered how he criticized me in front of me but complimented me in front of others. I am proud of having a father like him. He accepts my flaws, believes in me, has faith on me, he is just my everything. In the past, I believe, among all of his children I was the one with so much trouble (maybe even until now) and I hated him (because I never understood his love), we even argued once to the extent that I ignored him for almost half a year (I was terrible), but now I am the closest with him and I treasure our relationship. I love you, Mr Koh Eng Chuan. :)