Relax.

***

After three semesters which are equivalent to one-and-a-half years, I just realized that I don't belong here. Yeah, here. Exactly, here! Ahahahaha

Man, 18 months.. Phew!

Nothing much I can do to quit, except if I.......

That's it! You've read my mind. Ahahahaha

Looking forward for next semester.

"Lala, you need to re-sit."

"I do?" (Pretend as if I AM surprised)

"Yeah.."

****

"Lala, I'm sorry to say but you failed for your re-sit paper.."

"Wow, at last!"

****

This draft was written by me last year, few months ago, few days before exam started, but I never post it. I guess I was being a coward to tell everyone how I hate it being here. Ahahaha but guess what, here I am still studying. What a life! ^^

I guess this is my call, this is what God wants me to do; to be a teacher, to be a good teacher, to be a good Christian teacher. But I'm afraid I can't do it. This is big, you know. People don't just go in front and start teaching. They need to have the qualities. The qualities to be  a good teacher. And do I have it? I don't know. But one thing for sure, teaching is something scary for me. What if I teach the wrong thing? What if my students spotted my mistake? What if they grew up believing things of which I taught but weren't right? What if I created a monster? What if....

Okay, Lala, you are freaking out.. Relax.. Meditate...

Seriously? Me? A teacher? Oh, God, show me the way....

A teacher?

Okay, seriously, can you see me as a teacher? Frankly speaking, I myself can't see me as a teacher. Why? I just can't. Being a teacher means you have to follow the rules, show to your students the best in you, but me? I wasn't born to follow rules. In fact, I have fun in breaking rules. Irony, huh?

Then I am quite sure you'll have this question hanging on your head: "Why would Lala chose to be in the teaching profession then?"

My answer is simple: I love kids. Knowing that they love you, respect you, trust you, it's enough to make me happy. Their presence warmed me. They make you feel needed. I myself have my own kiddo at home; Hideaki. Being far from him feels like hell. Even though there are times when he became so uncontrollable --well he's just 2 years old so I can't really blame him-- but still I love being just next to him. I thought it's gonna be amazing to be there with him when he first enter primary school since by that time I've already been posted to school. Then I can be around him and teach him as well, make him proud to have a mama like me. :)

The second reason would be easy: government gave me money to study and they'll give me a sure-job after 5 years stuck here. Isn't that good? I wanted to be a pharmacist since I was young. Well, I was almost there achieving my goal of life --government gave me scholarship in Diploma in Pharmacy-- but I'm afraid I won't have much time to spend with my family if I choose that career. Sometimes, you have to surrender some things in order to get the other.

So, a teacher? Hurmm, I might not be the best teacher, but who knows maybe I can be good at it. ^^