Moved Out.

Came back home, I didn't see her car there. So I asked my dad, where is she? My dad didn't even look at me and he replied, 'ndatau la apa masalah. She moved out today morning'. So I replied, 'oh, sebab kami gaduh'. Based on daddy punya muka, I knew, she told him what happened. I just don't know how far she's telling the truth.

I mean, benda semua ni, pasal what I have written in my previous entry was actually happening since the last few years. Cuma it exploded last Saturday. I just couldn't handled it anymore. She's been talking behind my back to my mom whenever I wasn't around and I knew this from my other sisters. Cuma aku malas mau cakap. Aku letak tepi ja. But on that Saturday, I just exploded.

I went to the kitchen and my mom was there and even she didn't look at me. I remembered when we had our first huge argument last two years, we argued because she left me at Sandakan when she promised to go back together with me. She went back, told my mom that she went back alone because I didn't want to go back, when in fact I wanted to go back but she asked me to stay for a while. I was so pissed. I mean how could you leave your sis the day before Christmas Eve, all alone? Expecting me to celebrate Christmas Eve all by myself? Honestly, I guess that's why Christmas means nothing to me anymore since that year. So I wonder, what did she tell our parents this time? Aku malaslah mau kasi clear the air. Kalau diorang mau tau dari mulutku sendiri, they'll ask. If not, then I won't bother either.

So she moved out with her baby. I bet my parents are crazily worried about her because then she'll be living alone with her baby. Sigh. Each time I came back home, I'll argue with her or with my younger sis. I really don't feel belong here. I mean they were a happy family without me these past few years. They never had any problem. So I guess the problem is just with me. Sebab I'm not always home so they are already too used to it. Sabarlah semua, habis ja benda intern ni di Sabah, I'll go. I mean, what's the point of being 'home' if you don't feel like 'home'?. What's the point of being here when no one wants you here? Seriously. Aku, prinsip hidup aku senang. Kalau hidup menyusahkan orang, then don't bother living. Sebab aku, my parents didn't get to see their granddaughter. Sabar ya, nanti aku chow. Dua bulan ja lagi.